How to Contract the Solanum Virus

Video Transcript

"Hi! My name is Bert and I'm Andrew. We're here on behalf of Expert Village. We're going to teach you how to survive a zombie attack. We're straight out of the ZSA and we know what's going on. In this segment, we're going to talk about how to catch the solanum, how you can get it, and who it's transferable to. First off, let's start off with who it's transferable to. All humans. Any human can get it. No one’s immune. No one is immune to this. I'll reinstate on more time. You will die from it. It is 100% fatal. Things that can't get the solanum virus is obviously, inanimate objects. Animals can't get it. Animals can not get into zombies. No matter what you've heard, what you've seen, any movies. Those are all fake. None of those are reasonable accounts. Video games: fake. Those are made by nerds. Nerds. Actually, animals have never been zombies and they have never been attacked by zombies because animals know to stay away from the undead. It's just a 6th sense that they have. I don't know how they have it. I don't know. Now, the virus can only be transferred eye to fluid, mouth to fluid, cut to fluid, or bite to fluid. What I meant by if it's cut to fluid is if you have a cut and the zombie fluid, blood or anything, gets in you, plasma or anything like that. That's why hand to hand combats is a bad decision. It's the last resort when you're fighting a zombie. Do you have anything else to add? If you're ever thinking about sexual intercourse with a zombie, do not try this. You will die. It is probably the worst STD you could ever even imagine because it will kill you, because there are fluids involved with sex."