How to Control Family Grudges

Video Transcript

"Hello. I'm Matt Cail and on behalf of Expert Village, I'm going to show you today how to survive a big family Thanksgiving. While giving thanks is the central emphasis of Turkey Day, unfortunately, it does not fully get rid of family grudges. What are family grudges? We know what family grudges are. Most of us do, who have families, know what they are. You have two relatives or more who had a row a number of years ago (sometimes even decades ago) and since then, they don't like to talk to each other. They generally like to be snippy or short or otherwise impolite to each other. And Thanksgiving is no exception to whatever venom they want to toss at each other. It's good for you to keep this in mind and how you are going to manage the situation. I've seen a number of ways that it's handled and every single time it's been a definite benefit verses the stress that those various conflicts will bring to the Thanksgiving table if they are not properly dealt with. The first way is the easiest: trying to help those relatives or friends avoid each other. Keep them far apart!Try to avoid leading them into situations where they are basically given free range and basically lash into each other. You want to avoid that, you know. Barriers, all shields up. Another thing you can consider doing (this is more extreme, but sometimes, unfortunately necessary) is considering not inviting one of them. I've even seen some families where they rotate off where Aunt Brunehilda and cousin Gildastern just do not get along. They cannot both be in the same room, so don't try to force it. So, then, every other Thanksgiving, basically one of them will be invited and they'll basically rotate. It's sad, but sometimes necessary because you don't want them to ruin Thanksgiving. And it will indeed lower the stress levels by acknowledging family grudges. "