How to Understand an Employer

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Introduction

Remember, all employers tell you rubbish. And the reason they're so convincing is they're prone to lie even to themselves. Here in simple step fashion is a translation of what the job ads and the human resources departments tell you when you join a firm. Sure, you say, but your employer is different. Yeah right! Just be clear that, when you hear the standard spiel, you know what it means. Learn the steps ....

By: happyman

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Instructions

Text Size: +
Difficulty: Easy

Tips & Warnings:

  • Learn from HUMOR!
  • Watch the VIDEO: Employers spy on YOU.
Step1
Entry level position:... You'll be making minimum wage.
Step2
Entry level position in an up-and-coming company: ... You'll be making minimum wage; we'll be bankrupt in a year.
Step3
Profit sharing plan:... Once it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit.
Step4
Competitive salary:... We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
Step5
Join our fast-paced company:... We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.
Step6
Nationally recognized leader:... Inc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since.
Step7
Immediate opening:... The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.
Step8
Casual work atmosphere:... We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up, although a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
Step9
Competitive environment:... We have a lot of turnover.
Step10
Must be deadline oriented:... You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
Step11
Some overtime required:... Some time each night and some time each weekend.
Step12
Flexible hours:... Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.
Step13
Must have an eye for detail:... We have no quality control.
Step14
College degree preferred:... Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like Philosophy, English or Social Work.
Step15
Career minded:... Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
Step16
Apply in person:... If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
Step17
No phone calls please:... We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
Step18
Problem solving skills a must:... You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
Step19
Requires team leadership skills:... You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

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eHow Article: How to Understand an Employer

Article By: happyman

happyman

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Category: Legal

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