How to Confront Your Spouse About Insecurities

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Confronting your spouse about insecurities is something that you have to approach in a very delicate way. Confront your spouse about insecurities with help from a licensed marriage and family therapist in this free video clip.

Part of the Video Series: Relationship Advice
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Video Transcript

Hi, I'm an Dr. Roberta Marowitz, Florida Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and CEO of Sane Games, computer games for children and their families, Today we're talking about how to confront your spouse about insecurities and I'm assuming from this that it has to do with your spouse's insecurities that you have noticed and perhaps they know as well but you haven't yet confronted in your relationship. But you know, being in a relationship with somebody who has insecurities, it's not that it's an unusual thing. It's not unusual. Everybody has some insecurities about something. The question is how much of your life it takes over and how much of your relationship it really does affect. So it's different if you're just encouraging somebody about an insecurity that they have and they move on from that and they get on with other things versus someone who really does get stuck in their insecurities and has a hard time really functioning. So here's what I want you to realize. If your spouse says to you that they have insecurities, I don't want you to blow it off and I don't want you to poo poo it and say it's not really a big deal and you really shouldn't be that way, because it doesn't help someone deal with their insecurities by having someone yet discount them one more time for something that they feel badly about themselves with. So whether it has to do with weight or how they are in a crowd or whether or not they do their job well or whether or not they're a good parent, we can have insecurities about any number of things. So what I would like you to be able to do is realize that it's not a game, the person is not trying to bait you. They really are sharing something with you that is very personal and it means that they want your support. Support them in doing that. If it means that you need to help them in whatever way you can, ask them. What is it that you can do or how is it that you can speak with them or do things with or for them that will help them feel more secure and then try to find out as well if their insecurities has something to do with potentially something happened in their past and they are carrying it forward. If it's something that they feel like they can't deal with themselves, then it is a good time to bring an outside person in, a therapist, a counselor, someone who might be useful in helping them get through some of those insecurities and get to the other side of it. Sometimes a spouse is not the best person to be able to do that. You might be the closest person to them but it doesn't necessarily mean you're the best. Good luck.


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