Hi, I'm Dr. Roberta Marowitz, a Florida licensed marriage and family therapist, and CEO of The Digital Academy and Sane Games, mental health computer games for children and families. Today, I'm talking about how to deal with guilt trippers. We've all been around them, we've all experienced them. We don't like it, sometimes they're in our family. Sometimes they're the people that we're dating, sometimes they're our children, sometimes they're our parents, by we get them. There isn't anybody who's immune to dealing with a guilt tripper. But a guilt trip is simply an interaction with someone, where they try intentionally to make you fell bad about something that you've said, or you've done. They're hard to deal with,we don't like dealing with them. And to be honest, I think, you're probably listening to this. Have to check yourself to find out, if you happen to be guilt tripping anybody in your own life. Because it's a good thing to be aware of. People don't like guilt trippers, people don't like dealing with it. But there are some things that you can do, that can be useful. The first thing is, recognizing the cause of the guilt trip. Potentially you've hurt their feelings and you didn't realize it. Maybe you did something to them, that they found offensive, you don't really know. So, what you really want to be able to do, is you want to be able to ask the question of someone, in a very non threatening way. You don't have to call them a guilt tripper, you don't have to call them any names. But you might want to find out what's going on with them. I notice that you're saying, this, this, this and this about me, and that you think I should be doing X, Y or Z. Well, give me some information about that, not really sure, where you're coming from. And let them explain to you, what it is that's going on. Your job really is to stop feeling guilty, guilt has no purpose, it doesn't make you a better person. It doesn't make you operate in more realistic ways, or better ways or advantageous ways in your relationships. It just kind of sits there on your shoulder. So, you may or may not have done something wrong, but feeling guilty is not going to do anything to help you. One of the things that you can do, is ask the person if they're feeling really bad about something. And if they feel close enough to you, or you're being open enough with them. Then, they may very well be willing to share that information with you. It gives them a chance to stop for a second and take a look at what they're doing. Which is really what you want them to be able to do. You want them to monitor themselves, you don't really want to have to be the guilt trip police person. So, you're going to listen to them, if they're going to talk about their feelings. Stay with those feelings as long as they're willing to. Because often a person who gives a guilt trip, has some hidden anxieties. Or for them, talking about it with someone who they trust, will really be helpful to them. Sometimes they just think that if they make you feel bad, you'll stay closer to them, you won't leave them. Don't pay attention to that. You want to make sure that it's not a tool of manipulation, to try to get you to do something that you really don't want to do. And ask the person, it's not a bad thing to ask the person. Did you intend to make me feel guilty, or bad about, whatever the situation may be. And very often, you will find that the person will say, no, no, it really wasn't my intend at all. I didn't want to do that, I didn't mean to do that, I didn't want you to feel bad about it. It's just that, I feel kind of bad about it. And they will tell you what is true for them. If they share something with you and you feel like it's something that you can do. Try to help them deal with whatever the problem, or the issue is. Now that it's out in the open, you can be more constructive about it. And you an potentially help them solve the problem for themselves. And if it's an issue between the two of you, you can resolve that as well. Good luck.
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