How to Confront Without Being Defensive

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Just because you're engaged in a confrontation doesn't mean you have to be defensive. Confront without being defensive with help from a licensed psychotherapist, nationally published columnist, and radio host in this free video clip.

Part of the Video Series: Therapy Tips
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Video Transcript

Hi, my name is Brooke Miller, psychotherapist and founder of Soapbox Therapy. And I'm here to help you learn how to manage a confrontation without getting defensive. When someone confronts you it's really hard not to get defensive and try to turn the confrontation on it's side. But that's not usually the best way to handle the situation. So here are just a few tips to help you handle it in a better way. The main thing that makes us feel defensive is when we feel like we're being under attack emotionally. So when you are being confronted the first thing to remember is to take a step back and take a big deep breath. Second tip is to hear the other person's message and not respond. I know this is really hard to do. But the best way not to get defensive is to not say much. Hear what they're saying, again take a big deep breath. And a great go to phrase is I'm sorry you feel that way. Next thing to remember is don't raise your voice. When you raise your voice you send a message to your brain that you are in a frustrated state of mind. So in order to stay calm and not get defensive keep your voice at a minimum and just take it in. Last thing to do when you are being confronted and you don't want to get defensive is ask for some time. Chances are the person who is confronting you has really thought out what they want to say. And they thought about the time in which they want to say it. But you haven't really gotten that luxury. So if you say to them sounds like we really have some things to talk about. Are you free today at four? Then it will give you the time that you deserve to prepare for the conversation. My name is Brooke Miller and those are some tips to help you manage a confrontation without getting defensive.

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