Comments on: How to Decide Which Family to Spend the Holidays With

on 12/16/2005 In a conversation with a relative, whose two daughters are now married (one with a new baby), she said to me that she and her husband told their girls that it is up to them to plan what they want to do for the holidays. Then, they adjust their schedule accordingly, and get together with them when it is convenient - whether it's on the actual holiday or not - it doesn't really matter. Too many adult kids feel like they have to please their parents - and it's hard in many situations to please both sets of parents every holiday. And when you have several sets of In-laws (such as in the case of divorce), it can be even harder for the adult kids to choose without hurting feelings. I think it is very wise for all In-laws to take a back seat to the new couple or family in their new life together, and give the adult kids their blessing to make their own decisions about how they want to spend the holidays - then be OK with the decision they make! No more complaining or guilt tips - please. Give your adult kids the greatest gift of all, the gift of understanding and flexibility; so everyone can relax and enjoy the holidays!