Comments on: How to Break Up Peacefully

on 11/22/2005 Think carefully before you act. Don't use stock phrases. Don't hide faults or mistakes. If you have failings or have made mistakes, acknowledge them - it's better that they hear it from you. If they have failings of their own, tell them, but do it kindly. Beware of promises made only to keep you. Listen to what they say, but be realistic about what there is between you and what it can become. Love is a shared thing, and by this stage it will need teamwork to fix. Are you on the same team? Remember that you are hurting them, and be sure you are doing the right thing. Treat them with respect and minimize unnecessary hurt. Apologize, make it good and clean, and move on.

on 11/22/2005 If you feel like the relationship is ending, don't wait until the other person finally makes the decision (especially if you are both indecisive). The longer you prolong it, the harder it will be.

on 11/22/2005 I avoid all contact with with my ex-husband. I do not want to give him any hope. Accept that it's over and think about what you really want in life. The kindest thing is to be clear and firm but also to treat the person with consideration. However, if they are cruel (like my ex-husband), the best thing is to get over it, avoid them, and get on with life. Remember, men are like buses - if you miss one, there is always another one around the corner.

on 11/22/2005 Never lead anyone on. It always hurts both of you in the long run. Say something like, "You're great and I enjoy being around you. But, since I don't think you and I have what it takes for the long run, I care about you too deeply to lead you on."

on 11/22/2005 It's not cool to break up with someone in front of other people, because you don't know how they will handle it. Also, you don't want other people's "two cents" affecting your decision (or their reaction).

on 11/22/2005 If you're with a girl/guy that has ever had any cutting problems or anything, be very delicate. Make them promise not to do anything bad. Be easier on them than a normal person. You don't want that on your conscience, believe me...

on 11/22/2005 If you have made your choice, don't make your partner wait a week (or any amount of time, for that matter). If it truly is over and you have spent any amount of time with this person, respect them and leave in one day. Don't put them though the waiting game. If you made this choice, make it on your own. Don't let your friends or tests decide for you. You have to make this choice alone.

on 11/22/2005 My man had a girlfriend that I was not aware of...He just wanted sex. To think that a man would say/do anything for sex was a real turn off. I lost respect for him, and I lost my ability to believe in him. The sad thing was that I had sincere feelings for him, but not enough feelings to continue and be a fool. My exact words were: "It is unfortunate but true...I no longer believe in you." And I walked away.

on 11/22/2005 Never get back together with a girl you have broken up with for any reason whatsoever.

on 11/22/2005 dump them not so heavily that they will get pissed, and go spreading rumours about you, or telling evryone personal stuff about you. also dont feel too obliged to always say "we can still be friends" , just tell them how you really feel.

on 11/22/2005 If things are not working out with the person you are engaged to, better to end it now, than a few years from now in divorce court, or a few days before the wedding.

on 11/22/2005 What to say when you are breaking up with someone:
"Things are differnt from before. It dosent feel the same, like it did [2 months ago]. You still mean a lot to me. And I don't know if you have noticed this, but it seem's as if we aren't even going out anymore. It seems like we are more like friends. And remember when you said that we will still be friends, even if we break up? Well, I still really want that, because going out with you just seems like a way to become a closer friend, not a girlfriend/boyfriend. And we are closer now, and I am glad about that. I just don't think that we should go out anymore. I'm really sorry.

on 11/22/2005 Make sure your partner knows you're unhappy beforehand. If the other person is surprised, it's going to be a lot more difficult and take a lot longer. Also, if you're breaking up with a manic-depressive, try to time it during a manic phase. It's less ugly, believe you me.

on 11/22/2005 Don't try to be friends unless both partners are honestly willing to take responsibility for how they contributed to things not working out. Notice I said *both* partners. If one person ends up being the scapegoat, or one person the blamer, it will never work.

on 1/15/2008 I just recently broke up with a girlfriend of two years because our relationship had kinda burnt out. We have always been friends even before the relationship, and we will continue to be. Therefore after the break-up, that we both felt comming on, we went out to dinner together. It was a nice way to close the relationship.