Comments on: How to Handle a Breakup

on 1/16/2006 I have recently been dumped by my boyfriend of 4 years - over text message. I have known things weren't right for a while, but I knew I still loved him. Things were strained toward the end, we fell out a lot and we lost all trust and respect for each other. When he dumped me I was so tempted to call him and text him and ask him to come back. Instead I wrote a list of all the things that weren't right between us and things about the relationship that made me sad. Every time I am tempted to ring/text him, I get out my list and give it a read through. By the time I'm at the end I wonder what I ever saw in him.

on 1/6/2006 This is the fifth time I've gone through a breakup. Each time I eventually get through the pain and think I'll be OK if it happens again, but it still hurts a lot. Here is what I suggest:

You will almost certainly become overwhelmed with panic and feel like you have to get your ex back or else you will be tortured with misery for the rest of your life. Your mind is going to become your worst enemy. You will want so badly to get in contact with your ex. But a word of caution: it is almost definitely a terrible idea! The reason is simple; in your current devastated state, you really have no capacity to spend time with your ex and be even remotely normal.

You will almost certainly break down crying or getting angry and this will not help you get your ex back. It will only make things worse. As hard as it is, you have to remain strong and not call your ex. Writing is OK, as long as you don't gush and go overboard. If there are important things you haven't said, write your ex a letter or email, but trust me, don't call!

Keep busy with friends, family, work, and anything else that occupies your time in a positive way. Don't start drinking. Trust me, this isn't going to help you. One of the best things you can do is exercise. It will do wonders for your self-esteem. You have to be vigilant, and remember the following two things:

You aren't going to get better overnight. But you have to weather the storm. There unfortunately isn't any way around it. Lowering your standards for a rebound relationship is also a horrible plan. You will just end up in the same position with your new "love," and won't come out ahead in the end.

You will get over it. I promise. It doesn't feel that way right now, but it's true. You have to trust this, especially if this is your first major breakup. In time, the pain will subside.

on 12/12/2005 When you are going through a breakup it is natural to miss the person. It is natural to want to look good and let them see what they are missing. However, the best thing you can do is avoid any and all contact with this person. Do not relay messages of any sort through mutual friends. Anything will seem very obvious. No contact, do nothing related to your ex. Pretty soon they will wonder why and where you are, and could possibly come back and by then you won't want them. Treat them as if they don't exist and in time you will heal. Also, don't play games; such as dating his best friend or spreading rumors against them. It's so obvious you're hung up on them when you do this type of thing and it will boost their ego.

on 11/22/2005 If your ex is flirting with someone else, by all means flirt with others. Then you need to try to look your best to get more to look at you, soon your ex will feel stupid for leaving you.

on 11/22/2005 Especially if your the dumpee. You can't be sure of your dumpers response. Usually it's not good. So don't put yourself through that. This is time to focus on you! Maybe in the midst of being in love you lost sight of the one thing that is most important, YOU! So take some time to focus on the things that bring you joy. Cry it helps, it really helps.

on 11/22/2005 Success is the best revenge: not to mention the side benefits that come with it. Succeed and leave the past where it belongs. You've suffered enough, now it's time to turn the tide.

on 11/22/2005 Love is present everywhere and you should never give up and stop finding that special one in your life,only because your past relationship didn't workout the way u wanted it to.This doesn't signify that love doesn't exist.May be both of u misjudged ur feelings as love and started expecting too much from each other too soon in the relationship.And when you do that ,you are surely going to feel the pain if it goes the wrong way.Always beaware of the fact that this world is full of selfish people who can betray you at any moment if u start trusting them too much(believe me,its my personal experience).So,just remember one basic thing-"Always give yourself a little TIME to realise whether the thing you are feeling is LOVE or just mere attration".Love is supposed to be natural,spritual and something that your heart,mind,soul and all your senses feel.I know its not easy to understand, but when you are really in love you will know what i mean.So,there's no point in feeling hurt about a thing which is past tense,just plan your present to have a better future with your special one i.e the one made for you.

on 11/22/2005 i'm going through one.
I've only found peace in Jesus and his promises.
Pray a lot. cry if you need to but bowing to god...
Don't blame yourself....forgive her. forgive yourself. accept God's forgiveness... burn her pictures and gifts.
Try to avoid her and her family.....it'll only bring painful memories. Get a new hairstyle and smile (even if you don't fell like t) it'll give you peace.
God has smtg better in store for you. just be faithful to him through Jesus.
God bless y'all

on 11/22/2005 True love does not give up unless it's been cheated on. If it has cheated, the trust is broken. The only way to get back with someone who cheated is see that person go through the same pain, hurt and anger they put you through. If they have a very weak attitude about what they did and don't come back guilty, crying, desperate, reassuring you and show a strong concern for what they did, then get out of it fast! You are in love with and living with uncertainty. They will quickly do it again.

A typical fool, I messed up with someone. I had a substance problem had before I met her. She found out and was broken hearted. I later made her put up with it telling her I would quit and change. Over time she canceled our wedding, telling me when she knows and feels I have changed she will marry me. As we lived together I gave her so much love and financial support. She somehow encouraged me to buy a house in her name (she had good credit) promising me we would get married and share the house. At first I said no and wanted to be married first. I remember she threatened to leave me because she said I did not trust her. Because I truly loved her, was dedicated and loyal (never cheated) I gave in to her. I think of this day everyday and wish I could go back to this moment.

She later changed her mind about me, said she was not ready to marry me, sold the house and gave me nothing. She wanted me away from her telling me to get help and we may be back together.

We separated again I foolishly stayed in touch. I later got help and quit my habit. I later found out she was with another man in our old apartment while we were apart. I forgave her and she took me back.

Why would I go back to someone who gave up on me and did not stand by me to help me and tell me to leave not fearing losing me? Because I believed her old love would come back. The old love that strongly desired me, kept in touch with me, always wanted to be with me, and did things for me. I was (and am still) hooked on this thought. So she asked me to come back and promised me another wedding. I was so happy. Later I noticed uncertainty in her. An uncomfortable feeling, and she started going out again. That's when this guy called the apartment and told me he had been with her while we were apart. She came back that night crying telling me she broke up with him. I'll never forget that day. I tore up the furniture and left, but she called me back and asked for my forgiveness and I forgave her.

Most people think if they break up and go to sleep with someone else it's OK because they were not together. What world do we live in?

I paid to restore the furniture and after it was restored she asked me to leave, telling me she needed time and we would be in touch. So, I got a new place and again foolishly hoped we would stay in touch. The next week I got no calls from her. She ignored my calls and she told me to wait for her.
Many days, nights, and weekends went by with her going out (I don't know with who), not being involved with me, ignoring my calls, sometimes hanging up on me, telling me I'm insecure, me spying and watching her sneak out late at night.

Foolishly I stayed in touch and waited.
She demanded my love and attention, although she was not giving me love and attention. When I tried to break-up she did not care and told me she did not care if I start dating someone else.

Listen! If someone loves you they don't give up on you easily. If someone loves you they are afraid to lose you. They will stand by your side to help you as you show a strong desire to help yourself. Love worries about you and would want you with them as much as needed. She displayed none of the above but yet she did not want to break-up. She wanted her cake (being free own her own with others) and ice cream (having my love attention).

Our emotions and feelings are heavier than any thing on this earth and will cause us to self destruct, hurt ourselves or hurt the ones that we love to make them feel the same pain.

I scratched up her truck to show her I could not take her carelessness and control over me. Days later she called me back, forgave me, never said "I missed you and need you." She promised to start seeing me again
Again I foolishly I went back dreaming that old love for me was there. The following week the same thing. Her disappearing, not telling me what she was doing, ignoring my calls.
I again went to her house when she told me she was home. She was not and I almost broke the apartment window. I told her what I did, told her why and what she was doing to me mentally by her not reassuring my faith and trust in her.

She got upset about the window and me spying on her. I guess I was interfering with her freedom. She said, she's through with me. I'm hurt again like I was when she gave up on me the first time. Like I was when she asked me to come back but later asked me to leave promising me we would stay in touch.

I finally realize how much of a fool I was to love someone who never truly displayed love to me. What is true love and what am I to do if she calls back again? For now, I am happy I wrote this and look forward to enjoying myself. I will never go back to her because once someone looses respect for you, they will never have respect for you.

It's time to learn from my past and hopefully meet someone who will truly love me and will fear losing me. If they do not have fear of losing you, then you are in the wrong relationship. If they can't appreciate a walk in the park then you are in the wrong relationship. They are to enjoy you for you. Forget about the money and material things.

on 11/22/2005 Never take advice from people who have been married multiple times. If they themselves can't even stay in a marriage, what can they possibly teach you about relationships?

on 11/22/2005 If you're a co-dependent personality, and you depend on someone you don't match - end the relationship. If you cry more than you smile - end the relationship. If your heart still stops when you see him, you still did the right thing.

on 11/22/2005 If someone breaks your heart, of course you'd feel terrible, but I guess time does heal everything. Give yourself time and permission to cry it all out. hen, keep yourself busy by doing something you enjoy or something that makes you feel good. Praying makes you feel better too. Have faith. Be strong. It's not the end of the world. There are still people who love you. Like your family, your friends and your God.

on 11/22/2005 When the pain seems unbearable, don't be afraid to let go and have a cry. Letting out your pent up sadness and anger can exorcise the demons haunting you. Remember, you are an amazing person and although you don't realize it, you have made someone happy. They wont forget you, you are simply no longer a unit. One day someone will take your pain away and you theirs. :)

on 11/22/2005 Allow yourself to remember the good times, especially if you've been together for a long time. They loved you, dearly and truly, all their feelings for you were genuine, as were yours for them, even if it finished darkly. They will find someone else and start a different and new relationship, but you will always mean something to them. Don't erase a beautiful time in your life from your memory just because something has finished, but get excited because a new relationship and life adventure will begin for you soon. Love is as perennial as the grass.

on 11/22/2005 If you just aren't getting over things well on your own, I would suggest:
1) Venting to all your most trusted friends, and maybe even those you didn't know cared so much.
2) Read this site everyday if you have to! Every time I feel down I come and read at this site and it reminds me that I am special. Remind yourself of that as often as you need.