Comments on: How to Avoid Family Discord During the Holidays

on 12/16/2007 Years ago, my grandmother came up with the perfect solution about being expected to be at her house for Christmas day. The first Sunday in December was reserved for the immediate family and spouces, no children or grandchildren allowed. This meant there would be 12 people, held at a different house each year. They would have a lovely dinner with brothers, sisters, parents and spouces. They had drawn names the year before and drew for the next year before leaving. This was the only day of the entire year that the "kids" got to be with their parents with no other distractions. Also, this allowed each family to spent the day with their children in their own home. If they wanted to stop by and see Nanaw and Papa, great. But they were not expected to be there.Since I have grown up & have my own family, this is what we do. The only exception: kids are invited. It works great.

on 12/14/2007 I'm kind of going through something like this myself, Thanks for the great tips.

on 12/13/2007 Popular article because most of us deal with this issue yearly. Thanks for the good ideas.

on 12/13/2007 Excellent advice. Following these ideas can help reduce stress and anxiety during the holidays. Good job.

on 11/20/2007 I agree about being newlyweds and starting your own traditions. If you want to include you inlaws...take turns about who you'll visit for what holidays. And don't expect it to always be even or fair. A new couple needs space to figure out their OWN family traditions and make their OWN decisions.

on 11/16/2007 Good advice. It is also important not to expect the holiday gathering to be perfect - they never are, and if your expectations are not aimed too high, you can enjoy the good parts without agonizing over the little squabbles or problems that arise.

on 9/29/2007 Excellent information!

on 8/8/2006 You should start to relax one week before the gathering. It works for me.

on 8/8/2006 I always find that if you are patient with everyone at a family gathering, then no hard feelings come up. If one particular person really bugs you, then maybe try not to speak too much about them or with them. And count inside your head if they are being particularly annoying. That way no one could accuse you of being unkind toward them (however annoying they may be). And remember that they are your family - you're stuck with them! So don't create barriers when you might have to see them every year!

on 8/8/2006 Do potluck. Don't expect it to be at Grandma's house every year. Rotate homes to have your Christmas dinner. Everyone bring a dish to pass, whether or not you request certain things is up to you. Everyone help clean up.
Also leave gift exchanges back at each family's own home, don't exchange at the dinner gathering - too much confusion and possibly, bad feelings.

on 11/22/2005 As far as "family" traditions go, you and your spouse are now your own family whether or not you have kids. Boundary-setting in the first year of marriage is critical. Try to have one holiday at your house and invite your family over if you want.

on 11/22/2005 I stayed at home with my own family - a small gathering, but peaceful, joyful, warm and loving. No stress, no abuse, no fights. It's been the best holiday yet. No travelling either.

on 11/22/2005 I always buy a few generic gifts for unexpected holiday guests. Wine, bath/cologne sets, games for kids - things I'll use if they don't get given.

on 11/22/2005 We don't realize that, no matter how much we want family to get along, we can't change things. Call and let those who just won't set their feelings aside know who will be there. DON'T expect everything to be fine for holidays. IT MAY NOT!!

on 11/22/2005 Every year my sister-in-law insists everyone go to her house. Then she has the nerve to try and charge everyone $20 each! I have decided to say "no thank you" and I celebrate at home. I invite people who have nowhere to go.