Comments on How to Deal With an Overbearing Mother

I actually need this, thanks.

Fantastic article!

Keep standing up for yourself even if she doesn't like it and contribute to helping out at home; ie. learn how to cook and start doing the cooking and clothes washing and dishes and occasional grocery buying if you don't need to pay rent. She will have proof of how grown up you are and will start treating you as more of an adult. Also, learn to say no and stick to it. If your parents want you to wait until you're married to hook up, say no. If they don't want you to go out, tell them you're responsible and have researched where you're going and have enough money to get there and back on your own, safely and they'll be more ok with it.

My mom and I fight alll the time, and she says I need to respect her when she barely respects me sometimes idk why I even put myself thru dealing with her.. sometimes it gets bettter and sometimes not.

It still stresses me how negative and manipulating my mom is. I'm gradually becoming stronger, learning to deal with it and this article helps. I've covered a lot of these steps. I read all of the other comments here and I feel for all of you. My situation is sticky too because she's had a best friend/roommate live with her for 15 years so far and worships this woman's 'intelligence' and 'advice' (aka emotional abuse). This woman never does anything for herself but belittle and antagonize my entire family. I've dropped her from my life but it's difficult because they're always together. Clearly this aspect of my mom's life disturbs me still, lol. But be strong all of you out there. There's so much more to life than striving for acceptance from mother dearest.

I just do what I am supposed to do. I kind of stay out of her way. If I want total peace, I either stay in my room or leave the house. My mother may not change. Sometimes, I can deal with her. Other times, I keep my distance.

I just do what I am supposed to do. I kind of stay out of her way. If I want total peace, I either stay in my room or leave the house. My mother may not change. Sometimes, I can deal with her. Other times, I keep my distance.

I suspect that when you try to assert your new resolve, she will attempt to bully you into backing down. What is her main source of leverage? You have to be ready to deal with it. And if you can't, you'll stay on the merry-go-round.

My mother passed away a number of years ago I have so much to thank her for when i was little she made covers for the setee by hand to make the home cosy for us she worked very hard to try and give us the best , she used to say never judge anyone that it was not our job she was right !!!! love you mam and bless your memory xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When my brother and I were tiny my mother went through a lot she devoted her life to caring for us and at times was overbaring she made us her purpose because she loved us to much when I got older I took the risk of making my own boundries and kept them firmly in place it worked my mother and I developed a new understanding after that we became closer. when I stopped needing her approval it healed our relationship.

Your not alone! My mother is the same exact way. I am 32 with two kids and it feels like I'm still 15. Hope things get better for you, but calling it quits sounds good about now. Good Luck!

hope it wrks 4 d 1s who has to face it everyday.

My mum is becoming so overbearing it is untrue. She never knocks just walks into my house, gets involved with me and my husbands disagreements and makes them twice as bad, and tells me how to raise my son. I do want her involved in my sons life but no matter how many times I say he is my son and I make the calls it like it not sinking in at all. It is getting to the point were I'm considering telling her she cannot see us any more. Just today I was on the phone asking her for my sons parasol back and as my son is only a baby he was trying to grab the phone I just told her we need to start using the word no so he will understand it, and she just out of the blue said well you need to know what it means first too you know....... I don't even know what she meant by it, I burst in to tears and hung up she has called 5 times so far and left some really nasty voicemail for me. I have tried everything with her and she still causes trouble for me and my family I think it time to call it a day with her.

my mother is the craziest person I have ever come across. she has pushed her children away and she has even so much as blamed us for her mammogram going wrong. she pulls things up from the past and blows them out of of the water like back when my daughter was very little she use to "explore" and my mother accused her of being a child molester... my daughter was 3 at the time and she began telling my other sisters not to let their children around my daughter for fear of her touching them. then she tells me that she wants me to divorce my husband because she can't control him like she wants to. she even attacked her sister in telling her daughter about things that happened when they were younger. then she told us not to take advice from her because she has brain damage from a car hitting her when she was a child. I have had to move , change my number and threaten to sue her for her to stop talking to me...if you have a mom like this and you have completely dealt with her please let me know how you did it. I don't talk to her anymore but I hear it from everyone else what she is still doing. so if you have dealt with it please let me know how you did it.

I'm my mom's caregiver. Very hard as I also have an anxiety disorder. Mom is quick to judge and say hurtful things. She does the guilt trip thing on a regular basis. She tells me I am lazy, though I do most everything. Nothing I do is good enough. This confused me as a child. I did not feel particularly loved. I tried to avoid her, spent a lot of time in my room. I'm in my early fifties now and still spend all my time in my room. I've cried a river of tears because of my mom's overbearing ways. Her love feels conditional. It is very hard for me to even touch her, or be touched by her. This is sad.

You are handling it maturely. It is good you realized you can't please everybody and need to please yourselves to build a family. Yet, she may be wanting to help tradition along, so you can understand how to make the boyfriend commit. However, this has to be you, it is not her job. Just remember, she wishes she could be in you to do it for you so he would provide.....she wasn't thinking....I am sure her emotions took over...words get in the way...

Find little things to build a bond. The trust is in the past, building new bridges in the future. She wants to catch something she missed. Mom's do not realize we are suppose to be affirmers. Pray to separate your fears and conquer worry together. Talk about hope, ask her what she hoped for. Possible her hopes were smashed by peirs or something. Some mom's may be passing on lack of relationships. It is going to be too late to build a bridge if you don't as you cross it, then leaver her on the other side. She is your mom, work on it like a building. Takes time~~

I have bent every which way for my son, I am 47, and he cannot express himself, I understand. Things are tough, I am never going to be able to let him understand how I feel towards him, because he sees so much on the outside...yet maybe he sees my heart. I have seen his tears when overbearing Aunt pulls us apart. He resents I cannot control the time like I used to, I do too. So if I was overbearing in the younger years, it was because I knew I should have been doing better. There are times we fail ourselves cause maybe we tried to hard or the wrong way. Trying to back track, but a 46 year old woman only gets laughed at by her peirs, while I am really not coping with economic change well. Out of my element but I did my best to pull and support communication in technology, explaining we need more group communication, and rolling the kids on their level...no funny business at least to them. I did change my dress standards to shock my own parents, sister, and brother. Yes! They pushed me over my limit! I was also coping with a finger pointer....son, I tried not to, it was tough to stop talking. You grew so fast...I should had listened and enjoyed more, so should your dad. This is where my grief/anger lays. Time~~~~ precious! Life is so different for our kids then when we were kids. I see how we could had made it the same, except. I always wondered if mom should had sent us to public school...because it was constantly publicized. Grateful we didn't, yet I am feeling like I have few that relate with my background as I share my differences. Alien Mom Here!

I have this same problem as well. my Mum's Mum died when Mum was 27 and I am forever hearing "you'll be sorry when I'm gone" and now I hear all the time what a crap Mother I am to my son and I'm so sick of the guilt, I feel like she has messed up my whole personality

I am 20 years old and it feels like I am 10 years old only. My mom just gets involve in everything about me, the simplest thing. She expects me to be just like her. She expects me to do what she wants me to do. I am not perfect and for which I want to be better, but I want to make my own mistakes and live my life the way I choose to. It is impossible for me to move out because I am studying in college and I am not ruining my life and my education because of her, but I wish me and her could just get along better at least for once. We never had a good relationship because we have different temperaments and our opinions are totally different. She is just about what she thinks it's the best and she doesn't care about my opinion or feelings. She wants to know everything and because I try not to tell her anything about my life, she goes through my stuff. The last thing she did was read my journal. I was so mad because that's private. She got mad and not speaking to me right now. It's like two zombies in the house. In my opinion, "If you don't want to know, then don't ask." I don't know what to do, do you have any advice for me please?

I am having the EXACT problem! My mother had a rough life and her mother passed away when she was around 24. Not to make excuses, but this is the truth. For some reason, I have always felt as if I did everything to please my mom. My whole life has been spent seeking her approval and I have yet to receive it. It was so bad that my mom came into MY house that she hasn't contributed one cent to maintain and put my boyfriend out because she didn't like him! When I got there, I was furious! And then stopped speaking to me for over 6 months because of it. We started speaking again, only to get iinto 2 weeks ago. I gave up. I can't contnue to deal with the negativity. My mom turned her back on me again! This thime, though, I have prayed and let it go. I am not about to lose anymore sleep because of my mother. I am grown and I need to deal with my life as such. I have to take accountability for my own actions. I used to want her to be my best friend and that is not possible. I told her things and maybe that is why she feels like she must control my world. But, that has changed this time. No more!