Comments on: How to Get Over a Breakup

on 1/7/2007 Let me begin by saying i'm in eye of what everyone has gone through when it comes to breaking up. I have been in love with my ex since I was 16. He was a lifeguard and me and my younger girlfriends would watch him from afar and gawk. Years later, bumping into him I thought then was "heaven sent." We were inseperable for years, I was the "one" that out of all of his many one nighters and 3 month flings that he saw potential or some depth in. We loved each other very much, and we were very passionate about our relationship and future. Now that I look back I can blame a lot of our problems on me. Not that I committed and wrongs to him but I forgave things that should have been red flags. He liked to check out everyone, friends, family, he always had a roving eye. He was always into smoking weed and binge drinking like it was a passtime. Me being 100 pounds less than he, he would grab me in ways that he knew could very easily leave marks. And as I write these things with the tens and hundreds of the memories that I'm too embarressed to write I realize how much better I am without him. Nontheless, we got engaged and 2 months prior to our wedding in MAUI to which 150 of our closest friends and family were all flying out and attending, I called it off. If he isn't trying in the preliminary dating stage what makes me think he is going to try when we're married? I'm so glad I didn't marry him. Now months have passed, we have seen each other on and off, but everything that reminded me of why I loved him in the first place is non-existant now. Even his eyes look different. Maybe it's all the weed he's smoking, drink and partying. I know he is hooking up with girls, and it used to bother me but I just try to remember who I am. I'm not one of the those girls who have no respect for themselves. If you don't know your worth, you can't expect someone else to. Have your own back. Don't make excuses for them. Actions speak louder than words. They'll show you how they feel if they don't care. It is so hard to pretend to genuinely care about someone. You can see through the BS, and when you do...be grateful you finally saw things for what they are. The longer you hold on, the longer to move on. Don't be psycho, nobody wants a psycho chick. Be a lady, be classy and most of all be confident. I'm hurting still. I hope I can get over this completely soon. You want to believe in someone so much sometimes and be the one that stood by but at who's expense, who's time and who's dignity? Don't sit home eating all the day long. Get outside girl, a couple sit ups and squats aren't just good for the body but for the self esteem too. Keep a journal so that you remember everything. I finally have one and boy do I vent. Pray everyday for the strength and the courage. I ask God to give me some wisdom out of this so I may help young girls my age going through the same thing. Now I see how commendable and brave I was. It was hard, but it would have been so much harder had I been stuck right now with such an ass. Thank you Jesus!

on 1/3/2007 Not helping yourself- I have recently split with my girlfriend of 2 years who I was engaged to, due to ongoing arguments and hurtful things being said to each other. We were initially meant to be having a break for a few days to help us get a clear perspective about our relationship and where it was going but that turned into 2 weeks and then 3 weeks on her part. I tried everything possible to get back with her (apologising, messages saying it would be different if we gave it another chance, saying she was the only one for me)and so on, but was not getting any response from her. This really didn't help the way I felt as when I started to feel slightly better It would get to a lonely Sunday and I would not be able to resist contacting her again to try to make amends and this would upset me all over again and undo any good that had been done by not contacting her. I knew it was the wrong thing to do to keep calling and texting but their is nothing harder when you think you are letting your partner slip away the longer you leave it. However I would say this did me no favours in the long run and in the end none of the calls or texts I sent made any difference to the outcome. If the other person doesn't feel the way you do about them however many times you apologise and try to make a fresh start then the relationship is never going to work. It has to be a mutual thing. I have a friend who is going through a similar situation at the moment and I make sure we have at least 1 evening a week to go for a beer and few games of pool and talk about things, I find this helps each other with the situations we are in and just hope eventually time will heal.

on 12/27/2006 I just recently broke up with my lover and we were together for 4 1/2 years, I found out he was having a affair for 1 1/2 years and the guys and I both spoke about it, I do miss him and I do want to move on, however it is so hard to do...I just recently met a new guy and I don't want to make the same mistake with the new one that I mad with the last relationship. I need to move forward without any regrets or any walls that I've build up for the last relationship. Mike from Chicago

on 11/17/2006 it hard it happen to me...she lied about alot of things i forgave but she started hating when the guy she got close spoke to me and told me things she said that happen....and it was hard to sit and say nothing so i told him the truth about us still close after the break up....she was lieing to him also...so now she hates me...it hurting so much...and i love her inspit of what she did..i don't know i'm i normal...it kills me knowing i love her and she just can't look at me....

on 9/25/2006 This goes for during the relationship as well. Stay in the moment, stay calm when discussing and arguing, try to tell your point of view without judging or blaming. Try to tell what it is you need or want.

During/after the breakup, don't contact him. After our breakup, he was still using a website on which we both participated. I had to un-bookmark the site and simply not visit that website at all. It was too painful to see him participating.

He knew up until the end I wanted the relationship to work. I was kind, supportive (I tried to be), and told him I was hurt. At the point he told me he wanted to end it, the only word running through my head was "dignity." It was important for me to go out with my pride and dignity intact. I didn't blow up, I didn't blame or point fingers, I tried to discuss rationally.

I feel better knowing that I can hold my head up after this relationship. Also, maintaining your dignity will help you heal. Your self-esteem won't be so shot. You will know you acted in the most loving and gentle manner. That is the best you can do.

There are others who will love you. Keep trying!

on 9/14/2006 After 7 years, he decided we grew into one person. He wanted his freedom and he said he wasn't ready for commitment. He pulled the, "it's not you, it's me" line. I ended up chasing him trying to win his heart back. I've learned not to chase and not to call. If he really loved me, he wouldn't have left me and abandoned me in all this pain. True love is unconditional. He would've stayed by my side if he truly loved me. It's not possible to be friends, especially if we're not completely over each other. I've learned not to show my weakness in front of him because I was strong when I met him.

on 9/6/2006 After spending six years in a mutually deep, loving, long distance relationship, he concluded we are not compatible and different people and should break up. Fighting so often, I decided to break up in anger and disappointment. I decided never to speak to him again, and that I am sticking to. But the more time is passing, the more love I feel for him, and also my mistakes and regrets. But as someone said - don't talk for 6 weeks and he will be out of your system. I tried, I miserably failed. It's just not only physical things, but the memories, what to do about them?

Spend time and don't speak or make any gesture unless they really want you back. You will cry, you will miss them, but indulge in fun and healthy activities.

on 8/26/2006 I knew my ex for 8 years and trusted him wholeheartedly, only to end up being very badly hurt. I gave my all and never held back as he took advantage of my trust. When I broke up with him - he expected me to do something crazy (he knew he deserved it) like- slash his tires, tell his friends he gave me chlamydia or report his recreational drug use to his employer. Yes, I did wonder how good I would feel doing something bad to him, but I knew that it would only make him think of me as this crazy girl he was lucky to get away from. So I took a different approach - I wished him the best, and, instead of creating a nice bonfire out of his belongings in my yard, I packed all his freshly laundered clothes in plastic bins lined with Snuggle dryer sheets. I even reminded him that one of his bills was due the next week and fixed him a dinner plate to take with him (yes, without the rat poison). He didn't expect me to still have such composure and compassion after what he'd done.

I got my revenge - a mutual friend overheard my ex just recently admit how badly he messed up and how awful it is to know that he will never find someone like me. Don't do things that are out of character to you. All your wonderful qualities will be forgotten by your ex the moment you do something to him/her out of pure spite.

on 8/23/2006 Get rid of anything and everything that reminds you of them. Do not contact any mutual friends, because that will just make the process harder. Depending on how long the relationship lasted, is the longer it will take. It's sorta like going cold turkey. It really works, plus it will help you clear out other stress!

on 8/21/2006 Try to get your mind off of things and do whatever you can to stay busy. Aim to become a better person in all aspects of your life. Before someone can be happy with you, you have to be happy about yourself. Then, from time to time, you may hear a song that reminds you of him or her so much so that it hurts to even listen to it. When that song no longer has meaning, and just becomes another song again, you know you've moved on.

on 8/18/2006 I wrote my ex a letter explaining how I feel and, as the title suggests, I wrote it with the clear intention of not sending it, (this is crucial). This has helped me to not get in touch with him while I still feel I've said some stuff that I needed to get out of my system.

on 8/8/2006 I'm going through a breakup right now. Broke up in January, yet we're still sleeping with each other; till last week. He has a new girlfriend, who he says he is in love with. I had to end our little affair. It wasn't fair for me. He had me whenever he wanted. That's what you have to realize; you are better than this. You know your qualities and what you are worth, if he is making you feel less than that - then he is not worth it. I suggest hanging out with close friends, working out or dancing. Keep yourself occupied. I know the hardest times are mostly at night, so play some empowering music, it helps!
It ended for a reason, and if he's already moved on then you should too. Don't let him see your pain, don't cry to him or call him. It will only make you feel worse, believe me! Don't hang out with him and don't speak to him at all. Erase all the old messages, e-mails. Hide all the stuff that reminds you of him. Keep yourself surrounded by people who truly love you and care for you. But, don't depend on them, because in the end you only have yourself, they aren't going to be there 24/7 to help you. They most likely have their own problems as well. Get in touch with your body, soul and spirit. Pamper yourself, and take relaxing baths. Take up a boxing class to let off anger and steam. Draw or write. Express yourself through paper. This is not the end of the world, and the more you keep telling yourself how amazing and better you are without him, things will get better. Good luck and don't give up!

on 8/8/2006 If you respond to a breakup by laying on the guilt, that's all that person will be able to remember you for. Not only will you feel like crap afterward, it also definitely won't make them come back to you. If you can manage to keep your head up, you'll keep your dignity and they'll remember you as the strong, self-confident person they let get away. This doesn't mean don't let them know you're sad -- just don't wallow in it in front of them or hit them over the head with your sadness.

on 8/8/2006 1. Cry it out - don't listen to Melissa Manchester's song "Don't Cry Out Loud"
2. Think of all the negatives in the relationship - will help you look at it back in a different perspective.
3. Don't call or e-mail them!
4. The best way to go through the pains, heartaches, etc.; read as much as you can on how others went through it and survived. I did it by reading everything submitted to this website. Believe me, it helped me so much.

on 8/8/2006 Here is what I did:

1. Be the better person. Quit being mad at them and forget it - they already have. Also, be friendly, but don't change your day to accommodate their needs of friendship.

2. Dust off that list of goals you had before you got into this. Lead the life you wanted to, and you will find someone that is a lot better for you.

3. Realize who your true friends are. Most likely they are the ones who talked you through this. Be with them and let them know your appreciation. Also, make some new friends too!

4. Let things happen. Don't go out and look for someone new. It won't work.

Remember that you are an individual and you will get by without them.