Comments on How to Get Over a Breakup

i'm trying to get over a relationship that I don't want to end. I did at first but realized how much I really did love him. We were together for 12 years and all 3 of my kids belong to him. He expects a lot out of me and expects me to be understanding and considerate towards him. We have out right fights on the phone and my heart just can't take it anymore. He says I've ruined his life and all I wanted was to be with him. The story is too long to get into but today was hopefully our last big fight. I want to move on and concentrate on being a better person and a good mom. It is so hard for me not to call though because I do constantly. I would love to meet someone else but I really don't go anywhere and all the guys I know are married. I thought maybe if I weren't alone it would help. I never use to need to have someone in my life, but now I hate being lonely and just want someone to appreciate me for who I am not try to mold me to be what they want. It is so hard. The worst part about it is that my kids are suffering the most. I don't really have any close friends either. I did but she stold from me when I was in Iraq last year and I just don't want anything to do with her. HELP!! How do I force myself to stop calling him? I have to see him everyday because he takes care of our kids in the morning because I start work early and I have to stop at his place after work everyday to get my daughter's booster seat. How do I have as little contact with him having so much play in my life? Any ideas!

i'm trying to get over a relationship that I don't want to end. I did at first but realized how much I really did love him. We were together for 12 years and all 3 of my kids belong to him. He expects a lot out of me and expects me to be understanding and considerate towards him. We have out right fights on the phone and my heart just can't take it anymore. He says I've ruined his life and all I wanted was to be with him. The story is too long to get into but today was hopefully our last big fight. I want to move on and concentrate on being a better person and a good mom. It is so hard for me not to call though because I do constantly. I would love to meet someone else but I really don't go anywhere and all the guys I know are married. I thought maybe if I weren't alone it would help. I never use to need to have someone in my life, but now I hate being lonely and just want someone to appreciate me for who I am not try to mold me to be what they want. It is so hard. The worst part about it is that my kids are suffering the most. I don't really have any close friends either. I did but she stold from me when I was in Iraq last year and I just don't want anything to do with her. HELP!! How do I force myself to stop calling him? I have to see him everyday because he takes care of our kids in the morning because I start work early and I have to stop at his place after work everyday to get my daughter's booster seat. How do I have as little contact with him having so much play in my life? Any ideas!

How right you are *britney04* As soon as they realise what they've missed out on, THEY are the ones pining. What attracts guys in the first place? A confident, self assured woman who knows what she wants. When he sees you don't give a crap, he'll want the attention more, better still when he sees just how GREAT your life is going, he'll realise he's missing out on being a part of it. But remember, as the saying goes, 'any attention is good attention', so no going ape sh**t and going psyco and bad mouthing him, it shows you're still hungup on him. And Britney's other point on having a 'business man' in your life is a definate 10 POINTS. Just remember the guy has to be better than him. So your guy was a mechanic, your new guy is a scientist, a doctor, a LAWYER! (Just remember to make it believable... we're trying to make YOU EX look like the lame a** looser, not yourself). We all want what we can't have, so together with men's territorialism and their need to have control and showing how he is in charge, him seeing that he doesn't have any of this, * NO CONTROL OVER YOU, DOESN'T HAVE THE UPPER HAND, * HIS ONCE "TERRITORY" now being taken over by a new ""BETTER"" man will drive him crazy :) ... Now isn't that the way we all want it??

Learn to live with the pain..And accept the truth thats its Called a Break Up Becaused its Broken!!..Forvige your ex if he dumped you..Becaused By forgiving you can only forvige yourself and set yourself free form a broken heart...

Learn to live with the pain..And accept the truth thats its Called a Break Up Becaused its Broken!!..Forvige your ex if he dumped you..Becaused By forgiving you can only forvige yourself and set yourself free form a broken heart...

TIME...TIME...TIME Just TIME can Prove it all..

All of this is great if you're the person who got left but here is some advice - having recently been dumped myself - for the one who has done the leaving: don't say you still want to be friends if you have no intention of being a real friend. If you're ashamed of your behavior, such as starting a new relationship when you were still in the old one, don't tell your ex that you want to maintain a friendship and then leave him or her hanging by not calling, writing, or communicating (you know, all those things we do with our actual friends on a regular basis) in any way. If your "let's stay friends" doesn't have any weight behind it do the decent thing and be clear about cutting off all communication and letting your ex know that's what you're doing. I wish mine had done that. Living in limbo is worse than the breakup.

All of this is great if you're the person who got left but here is some advice - having recently been dumped myself - for the one who has done the leaving: don't say you still want to be friends if you have no intention of being a real friend. If you're ashamed of your behavior, such as starting a new relationship when you were still in the old one, don't tell your ex that you want to maintain a friendship and then leave him or her hanging by not calling, writing, or communicating (you know, all those things we do with our actual friends on a regular basis) in any way. If your "let's stay friends" doesn't have any weight behind it do the decent thing and be clear about cutting off all communication and letting your ex know that's what you're doing. I wish mine had done that. Living in limbo is worse than the breakup.

Let me begin by saying i'm in eye of what everyone has gone through when it comes to breaking up. I have been in love with my ex since I was 16. He was a lifeguard and me and my younger girlfriends would watch him from afar and gawk. Years later, bumping into him I thought then was "heaven sent." We were inseperable for years, I was the "one" that out of all of his many one nighters and 3 month flings that he saw potential or some depth in. We loved each other very much, and we were very passionate about our relationship and future. Now that I look back I can blame a lot of our problems on me. Not that I committed and wrongs to him but I forgave things that should have been red flags. He liked to check out everyone, friends, family, he always had a roving eye. He was always into smoking weed and binge drinking like it was a passtime. Me being 100 pounds less than he, he would grab me in ways that he knew could very easily leave marks. And as I write these things with the tens and hundreds of the memories that I'm too embarressed to write I realize how much better I am without him. Nontheless, we got engaged and 2 months prior to our wedding in MAUI to which 150 of our closest friends and family were all flying out and attending, I called it off. If he isn't trying in the preliminary dating stage what makes me think he is going to try when we're married? I'm so glad I didn't marry him. Now months have passed, we have seen each other on and off, but everything that reminded me of why I loved him in the first place is non-existant now. Even his eyes look different. Maybe it's all the weed he's smoking, drink and partying. I know he is hooking up with girls, and it used to bother me but I just try to remember who I am. I'm not one of the those girls who have no respect for themselves. If you don't know your worth, you can't expect someone else to. Have your own back. Don't make excuses for them. Actions speak louder than words. They'll show you how they feel if they don't care. It is so hard to pretend to genuinely care about someone. You can see through the BS, and when you do...be grateful you finally saw things for what they are. The longer you hold on, the longer to move on. Don't be psycho, nobody wants a psycho chick. Be a lady, be classy and most of all be confident. I'm hurting still. I hope I can get over this completely soon. You want to believe in someone so much sometimes and be the one that stood by but at who's expense, who's time and who's dignity? Don't sit home eating all the day long. Get outside girl, a couple sit ups and squats aren't just good for the body but for the self esteem too. Keep a journal so that you remember everything. I finally have one and boy do I vent. Pray everyday for the strength and the courage. I ask God to give me some wisdom out of this so I may help young girls my age going through the same thing. Now I see how commendable and brave I was. It was hard, but it would have been so much harder had I been stuck right now with such an ass. Thank you Jesus!

Not helping yourself- I have recently split with my girlfriend of 2 years who I was engaged to, due to ongoing arguments and hurtful things being said to each other. We were initially meant to be having a break for a few days to help us get a clear perspective about our relationship and where it was going but that turned into 2 weeks and then 3 weeks on her part. I tried everything possible to get back with her (apologising, messages saying it would be different if we gave it another chance, saying she was the only one for me)and so on, but was not getting any response from her. This really didn't help the way I felt as when I started to feel slightly better It would get to a lonely Sunday and I would not be able to resist contacting her again to try to make amends and this would upset me all over again and undo any good that had been done by not contacting her. I knew it was the wrong thing to do to keep calling and texting but their is nothing harder when you think you are letting your partner slip away the longer you leave it. However I would say this did me no favours in the long run and in the end none of the calls or texts I sent made any difference to the outcome. If the other person doesn't feel the way you do about them however many times you apologise and try to make a fresh start then the relationship is never going to work. It has to be a mutual thing. I have a friend who is going through a similar situation at the moment and I make sure we have at least 1 evening a week to go for a beer and few games of pool and talk about things, I find this helps each other with the situations we are in and just hope eventually time will heal.

Not helping yourself- I have recently split with my girlfriend of 2 years who I was engaged to, due to ongoing arguments and hurtful things being said to each other. We were initially meant to be having a break for a few days to help us get a clear perspective about our relationship and where it was going but that turned into 2 weeks and then 3 weeks on her part. I tried everything possible to get back with her (apologising, messages saying it would be different if we gave it another chance, saying she was the only one for me)and so on, but was not getting any response from her. This really didn't help the way I felt as when I started to feel slightly better It would get to a lonely Sunday and I would not be able to resist contacting her again to try to make amends and this would upset me all over again and undo any good that had been done by not contacting her. I knew it was the wrong thing to do to keep calling and texting but their is nothing harder when you think you are letting your partner slip away the longer you leave it. However I would say this did me no favours in the long run and in the end none of the calls or texts I sent made any difference to the outcome. If the other person doesn't feel the way you do about them however many times you apologise and try to make a fresh start then the relationship is never going to work. It has to be a mutual thing. I have a friend who is going through a similar situation at the moment and I make sure we have at least 1 evening a week to go for a beer and few games of pool and talk about things, I find this helps each other with the situations we are in and just hope eventually time will heal.

I just recently broke up with my lover and we were together for 4 1/2 years, I found out he was having a affair for 1 1/2 years and the guys and I both spoke about it, I do miss him and I do want to move on, however it is so hard to do...I just recently met a new guy and I don't want to make the same mistake with the new one that I mad with the last relationship. I need to move forward without any regrets or any walls that I've build up for the last relationship. Mike from Chicago

I just recently broke up with my lover and we were together for 4 1/2 years, I found out he was having a affair for 1 1/2 years and the guys and I both spoke about it, I do miss him and I do want to move on, however it is so hard to do...I just recently met a new guy and I don't want to make the same mistake with the new one that I mad with the last relationship. I need to move forward without any regrets or any walls that I've build up for the last relationship. Mike from Chicago

it hard it happen to me...she lied about alot of things i forgave but she started hating when the guy she got close spoke to me and told me things she said that happen....and it was hard to sit and say nothing so i told him the truth about us still close after the break up....she was lieing to him also...so now she hates me...it hurting so much...and i love her inspit of what she did..i don't know i'm i normal...it kills me knowing i love her and she just can't look at me....

it hard it happen to me...she lied about alot of things i forgave but she started hating when the guy she got close spoke to me and told me things she said that happen....and it was hard to sit and say nothing so i told him the truth about us still close after the break up....she was lieing to him also...so now she hates me...it hurting so much...and i love her inspit of what she did..i don't know i'm i normal...it kills me knowing i love her and she just can't look at me....