Differences in Verbal Gender Communication
Since the beginning of time, men and women have been trying to understand each other. The differences between the sexes are physical, emotional and even verbal. Although every individual uses language in her own way, there are some general differences between the way men and women speak--and if these differences are not understood, they can lead to serious conflicts in interpersonal communication.
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Report vs. Rapport
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According to linguist Deborah Tannen, men are more likely to engage in what is referred to as report talk, which is characterized by a focus on content. Men talk about topics that are public matters, such as sports or politics. During report talk, people will demonstrate their knowledge about a subject and will give general information about the topic.
Tannen says that rapport talk, on the other hand, is designed to establish relationships and make people in relationships feel closer to each other. Women engage in this kind of talk more often than men. Rapport talk deals with more intimate matters than report talk and includes topics such as family and marital relationships.
Trouble Talk
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Men and women also take different approaches when it comes to talking about problems with others, according to Tannen. When someone tells a man about their problems, she can expect a response that is fairly straightforward as he dishes out his advice. Some men respond to talk about problems by being dismissive and downplaying how serious the issue may be.
When women discuss someone's problems, they are likely to try to connect with the other person and demonstrate their understanding, according to Tannen. For example, when someone tells a woman about his problems, she may respond by discussing a similar problem she is going through to show solidarity.
Indirect vs. Direct Communication
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Men and women both have their moments of engaging in direct or indirect talk, according to Joseph A. DeVito, professor at Hunter College of the City University of New York. For women, when the subject is about relationships, they are more likely to speak in a more direct manner than men. Men also use indirect talk when they are discussing their own weaknesses, expressing their emotions, or admitting when they did something wrong.
In other circumstances, men's talk is characterized by being quite bold, and in some cases it can be perceived as rudeness, according to DeVito. When men give an order, for example, they will explicitly tell someone to do something. On the other hand, women use more indirect speech in these cases and their orders can be so watered down that they sound like suggestions rather than directives. For example, a man who is talking to an employee may say "get me some coffee" while a woman in the same situation may say "it would be great if you could get me some coffee."
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