Funny 50th Birthday Gifts

Turning 50 isn't the death sentence it used to be, but it's still a harbinger of old things to come. Crack the birthday person up and have some fun making your own 50th birthday gifts to celebrate the occasion. You'll save money by using your imagination and your sense of humor, too.

50 States

Draw a map of the 50 states of being old. Start with the physical state such as losing your hair, teeth, eyesight, looks, bladder control, balance, strength, bone density, muscle tone and height. Move on to the mental state such as losing your memory, car keys, tolerance for loud music, ability to calculate the tip in your head and so on. Other categories can include the social state, such as losing your source of entertainment since The Rolling Stones stopped touring, and the spiritual state, such as getting into bed to say your prayers because your knees hurt too much. Don't forget the virtual state, which might include looking for dates on the AARP website.

Picture This

On a time line from 50 years ago, choose three or four events involving celebrities. For a 2010 birthday, you can include February 9, 1960, when Joanne Woodward received the first star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Find a picture of Woodward around that date and a picture of her from 2010. Repeat this for the other celebrity-related events. Print the pictures from your computer. Tape or glue the pictures to card stock, and write a brief description of each news story from 1960. The pictures will tell the rest of the story.

Playing "Senility"

Create a board game for the person who's turning 50. Use a piece of heavy cardboard or 1/8-inch plywood covered with white poster board. Lay out the board beginning with "Retirement," with blocks along the board labeled "Senility," "Still Have My Own Teeth," "Trifocals," etc. Make cards similar to those used in Monopoly, such as "Get Out of Menopause Now" and "Go Directly to a Nursing Home. Do Not Pass Retirement." Use incidents from the honoree's life to make the game more interesting. Purchase charms shaped as the number 50 to use as markers. Spray paint them in various colors.

References

• Timelines Info: 1960
• The Serious Comedy Site: Gag Gifts

Resources

• Charm Factory: 50 Charms