Sympathy Card Writing Etiquette
No one knows the perfect thing to say to a grieving person, but writing a sympathy card gives you some time to collect your thoughts. Nothing you can say in a sympathy card can take away the recipient's pain completely, but knowing that you care will make him feel less alone.
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Recipients
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There are many instances in which you should send a sympathy card. If a friend has lost a family member or even a pet, send a card directly to your friend. If it's your own friend who has died, send a card to her family, even if you've never met them. It's also polite to send a sympathy card even when you don't know the deceased or his family well. For instance, if a coworker's mother passes away, feel free to send a card even if you've never socialized outside of work.
Methods
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A grieving family will appreciate any show of sympathy, but a paper card allows people to save and cherish all their messages forever in a way that isn't possible with a phone call or an email. It's fine to send an email expressing your sympathy right after the person dies, but follow up by sending a card through the mail. Sending a store-bought card that's printed with a sympathy message is perfectly acceptable as long as you include a hand-written message inside. You may also write out your own letter on stationary.
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Wording
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The only rule to remember when writing the card is to say what you're feeling. Include some personal details that will make the recipient feel that his loved one was appreciated. If the deceased was a friend of yours, share a short story about her and list some of the things you loved about her. It's fine to recount a funny story, but the card should end with a serious closing such as "With sympathy," or "I'm here for you."
Timing
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Although sooner is better, there is no wrong time to send a sympathy card. Aim to send it within two weeks of the person's death, but if you don't find out about his passing right away or just aren't sure what to say, it's better to send a card months later than never at all. If you didn't send a card after the death, send one during the next holiday season. This is often a hard time for a grieving family, so a sympathy card will be appreciated.
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References
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