Types of Boundaries in Families

Establishing boundaries early on will help your family succeed.

Setting family boundaries isn't always an easy task. However, if you establish a strong value with each boundary, your family members are better able to adhere to them. It also helps to make boundary setting a household decision rather than having one member decide the boundaries and expect everyone else to follow. Knowing different types of boundaries and when to set them will help your family successfully reach these goals in a safe and loving manner.

Household Rules

Allow all family members to participate in rule setting.

One of the most common types of family boundaries are household rules. Rules should be decided early on and adapted as your family grows and changes. You can have a general set of rules that every member adheres to and a secondary set of rules that complements the lifestyle of certain members.

For instance, every family member must do weekly chores and arrive at the dinner table on time. However, older children may have a curfew and younger children may have early bedtimes. It's important to have consequences if a family member falls outside of the boundaries. These consequences should be clearly established ahead of time to avoid confusion and arguments.

Moral Guidance

Moral guidance teaches your family kindness.

Moral guidance can be considered an unwritten truthfulness to which all members must be faithful. This creates trustworthiness and honesty within your household. Family members are expected to practice kindness, tell the truth, express love and forgiveness and avoid dishonest acts such as stealing and hurting others.

Teaching your children right from wrong begins with leading by example. If you practice these moral guidelines yourself and discuss them regularly as a family, eventually all family members will use these behaviors automatically.

Obedience

Children should look up to and respect their parents and other adults.

Children should always understand their position in the house and in the world. They should view adults as guiders and protectors. If children are allowed to see themselves as equals, they can develop respect issues. Teach your children to listen to adults and authority and to follow orders.

They need these boundaries so they can learn whom to trust and who will protect them. It also prepares them to go out into the world, where others are not as ready to accept disrespectful behavior.

Abiding Laws

Rules may be easy to follow within your household, but once your family members step out into the world they have to live by the rules of everyone else. Teaching children right from wrong helps them to follow rules and order outside of your home.

It's important to discuss the laws of your city and your country so children understand that certain actions have serious consequences. Teach them about authority figures, including police and firefighters, as well as other civil protectors such as the military. The more your children understand different types of boundaries in their world, the more secure and happier they will feel.

References

• Mental Help: Boundaries and Dysfunctional Family Systems
• National Institutes of Health: Family Boundary Ambiguity

Resources

• JSTOR: Normative Family Stress: Family Boundary Changes Across the Life-Span