Seven Qualities to Look for in a Mate


“Beauty is only skin deep,” don’t judge a book by its cover,” “pretty is as pretty does,” – these adages may be old, but they’re also quite correct. Once the initial chemistry created by physical attraction fades, many relationships fizzle. That’s because the couple, originally excited primarily by outward appearances, discovers that their personalities are incompatible. Avoid the heartbreak of breakup by evaluating potential partners for good character qualities compatible with your own before making a serious commitment.

Positive Support

  • Everyone gets into a negative funk from time to time. Good partners know how to help each other through those low moments by staying positive, offering support, providing motivation and searching for solutions together. Search for a mate that has a positive attitude toward his or her own life, where the focus is on potential rather than problems.

Clear Communicator

  • Happy couples strive to meet each other’s wants and needs. However, this is an impossible goal if the partners fail to communicate their desires and requirements to one another. People with the ability to clearly and openly communicate their thoughts and feelings make great mates. Also be on the lookout for a good balance in communication styles. If you’re a talker and your partner’s the silent type, you may be headed for communication frustration if you are not able to work together.

Caring and Considerate

  • Kindness, patience and understanding are essential for surviving a relationship’s toughest moments. Committed relationships encounter all sorts of complications which may devolve into hyper-criticism, bickering, name-calling or nitpicking if your relationship partner has a stubborn or cruel streak. If your partner is kind and understanding, you are more likely to communicate better and come together to solve problems.

Mature and Responsible

  • Wild guys and gals may be fun while you’re playing the field, but it’s time to look for a mate mature enough to handle adult responsibility when you’re ready to settle into a long-term, committed relationship. While it’s okay for a mate to stay playful, he or she should also be emotionally and financially independent. Signs that indicate these qualities include the ability to acknowledge and accept their own faults and the desire for continued growth and self-improvement.

Honest Integrity

  • In romantic relationships, honesty is so much more than simply being truthful with your mate. True intimacy requires partners who are comfortable being their honest, authentic selves with one another. Flaws and all. Integrity goes hand-in-hand with honesty, as a person should stand and fight for their principles as well as declare them. Keep in mind that sometimes honest integrity leads to your partner offering constructive criticism and straightforward opinions that you may not want, but need to hear. A true partner has the strength of character to say what needs to be said, with love and positivity, of course.

Compatible Values

  • There’s no need for couples to be “two peas in a pod” with completely matching values; however, disagreements over money, faith, politics and child-rearing may lead to relationship breakups if you cannot find a middle ground. Before getting too involved with a potential mate, have several serious discussions about these big issues to determine if you're on the same page, if you can respectfully agree to disagree or if some compromise can be reached to make your conflicting values compatible.

Simpatico Personality

  • Those harmonious twosomes that seem so in sync have a surefire secret to maintaining their relationship rapport – they’ve found a mate with a personality that meshes well with their own. Every potential mate has their own unique quirks and characteristics that will either complement or conflict with yours, so search for a partner with a personality that balances your own. It doesn't have to be exactly the same, either. For example, an extroverted partner may help an introverted mate come out of his or her shell, while the introvert in turn might teach the extrovert to value downtime alone.


  • Photo Credit lovin-you/iStock/Getty Images
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