Five Love Lines of Communication

Communicate love in a way your loved one understands.

If you find yourself stumbling over your words when you're trying to express to someone special how much you love him, take a breath and learn some easy ways to communicate your love. Dr. Gary Chapman has spent 30 years as a marriage counselor, and he observed that each of us has a "love language," our predominant method of expressing and receiving love. Dr. Chapman, author of "The 5 Love Languages," identifies five primary patterns used to communicate love. Knowing the love language of your loved ones helps you show your love in a way they can understand.

Words of Affirmation

Tell your loved one, "I love you, " and then say why.

To individuals with this love language, hearing the reasons they are loved is even more important than hearing the words, "I love you." Encouraging words, meant to build up, not tear down, convey love. They thrive on unsolicited compliments, but are easily hurt by insults.

Quality Time

Undivided attention communicates love to those whose love language is quality time.

Undivided attention, the feeling of "I want to be with you," speaks to the heart of the individual with this love language. That means no distractions, such as TV, meals or chores. One-on-one time, really connecting, is the way they receive love. If you frequently hear, "We never spend time together anymore," your loved one most likely has this love language. They feel unloved if you "give a raincheck" for a date, or try to multi-task while interacting with them.

Receiving Gifts

A thoughtful gift can communicate love.

Thoughtful gifts and small, everyday gestures, given to an individual with this love language, means love. The gifts don't need to be expensive; it's the thought and effort behind the gift that counts. In every culture, the giving of gifts is a part of the love and marriage process. Forgotten birthdays and special occasions or gifts purchased without thought hurt those with this love language.

Acts of Service

Freely offering to help with a chore speaks love to those whose language is acts of service.

Nothing says "love" to individuals with this love language more than hearing their loved one offer to take some of the responsibilities off their shoulders. Taking over a small chore or helping with the dishes makes them feel cherished. They live by the saying, "Actions speak louder than words." Not keeping your word, being lazy or doing things that make more work for them are hurtful.

Physical Touch

Tender touches bring emotional closeness.

The individual with this love language receives love with hugs, holding hands, pats on the back and meaningful touch, such as on the arm or face. Emotional closeness comes from tender touches. This love language is not about sex, but about being present and "being there." Abuse and neglect hurt this individual deeply.

References

• The 5 Love Languages: Learn the Languages; Dr. Gary Chapman
• The 5 Love Languages: Thoughtful Gifts: May 2009
• The 5 Love Languages: Speaking the Love Language of Quality Time; January 2009
• The 5 Love Languages: Speaking Love Through Physical Touch; March 2009