Key Factors in Successful Marriages
Once the honeymoon is over, the real business of marriage begins, and nearly every couple encounters difficulty. Although every marriage has problems, you can help yours stay healthy by finding out and focusing your and your spouse's efforts on the key factors in a successful marriage.
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Healthy Family and Personal History
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Childhood can help predict marital success. Take a look at your parents' marriage for insight into how well yours is likely to go. Because a parent's marriage is usually the first example of a committed relationship that children see, they tend to take on their parents' communication habits and relationship behaviors. If you inherited your mother's defensiveness or your father's insecurities, address your issues before getting married. Additionally, children of divorced parents tend to have marriages that also end in divorce. If you had a happy and relatively "normal" childhood, however, you have a good chance of a successful marriage. Your reasons for getting married are also key. Did you marry for money, security or because you thought it was the logical next step? If so, you're more likely to wind up dissatisfied.
Good Communication Habits
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If your spouse really hears you, your chances of success are good. The way you interact with your spouse is key to your marriage's success. Never belittle or ridicule your spouse. Take time to evaluate your feelings before you initiate a discussion. Fight constructively; begin a dispute with a shared goal of resolution, not a personal goal of proving yourself right. Learn to compromise. Keep your love for your spouse and the health of your marriage at the front of your mind during every argument to temper your words. Talk about things that need to be addressed. A marriage's long-term success is dependent in large part on the spouses' ability to discuss even the most unpleasant topics.
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Positive Daily Interaction
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Have a relaxed breakfast with your spouse every morning. Couples who focus on the positive parts of their marriage -- but continue to work on the negative -- are far more likely to succeed. Compliment each other daily. Being married doesn't mean you have to stop being sweet and romantic with your spouse. Divide household chores in a way that both parties can live with to avoid resentment. Establish small, private routines that reaffirm your love, such as leaving love notes for one another or even a simple signal that means "I love you." Stay physically intimate with hugs, kisses and affectionate touches throughout the day.
Trust
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Give your spouse your complete trust. A couple must trust each other in order to have a successful marriage. However, trusting your spouse doesn't mean simply believing that he won't be unfaithful. You need to have confidence in your spouse's ability to care of you and to do her part to make your marriage work. Trust her to have you and your marriage's best interest at heart. Trust him to do what he says he will do, even if he doesn't do it the way you would.
Practical Compatibility
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A satisfying physical relationship cannot sustain a marriage. Financial issues, views on child rearing and future goals are crucial; if you and your spouse are not "on the same page" with certain issues, you are much more likely to encounter significant difficulty. Don't enter a marriage with a spouse who does not want children, hoping you can change her mind. If you're a die-hard saver, don't marry a spendthrift. Love may conquer all, but it cannot make you compatible in the long run.
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References
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