Family Dynamics in Counseling
Some of the most difficult relational dynamics can emerge during family counseling sessions. Dysfunctional family dynamics are complicated; the process to improve family relationships through counseling upsets the existing balance, no matter how dysfunctional its current state. Successful family therapy requires an experienced family counselor.
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Determining Root Issues
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The first action a family counselor must take is to determine the problems in a relationship; these root problems are not always evident. While a couple may be arguing over daily behaviors, the real issue may lie under the surface in the emotions and experiences related to those behaviors. A family counselor who focuses only on changing external behavior without delving into the root emotional issues is like a person who tries to kill an unwanted tree growing by picking fruit and plucking leaves. At some point, the tree will die only when its roots are cut off, and the entire tree removed from the ground. Unaddressed emotional issues are like the roots to the dysfunctional relational tree.
Exposing the Problem
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Family counselors must discover whether the family members are aware of the problems between them. Behavior that seems personally acceptable to one party may be the source of the problems for the other family members. If all the family members are clueless as to what issues are affecting their relationship, the counselor must first expose the problem. All parties need to agree that the problems must be changed for the well being of the entire family before counseling will become effective.
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Priorities and Values
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Prior to working with a couple to determine actionable steps, the counselor must determine the priorities and values around which their marriage can be rebuilt. For example, some counselors highest desire is to save a marriage. Other counselors may feel that if two people are incompatible, the best course of action is to end the marriage peacefully. In either case, change requires personal emotional work. Couples in counseling are more likely to do that hard work when their efforts are connected to their own and their counselor's personal values.
Determining Actionable Steps
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Actionable steps include small, intentional behaviors each family member agrees to pursue. Family counseling without deliberate and intentionally changed behaviors is a waste of time and money for all parties involved. To achieve a more successful family dynamic and peaceful relationships, the participating family members must agree to, and work out, new behaviors to improve the family relationships.
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