Ways to Help Kids Solve Their Own Problems
Problem-solving skills are the key to emotional freedom. Given the appropriate social and problem-solving skills, your children will be equipped to make informed choices and trust their own decisions. This will enable them to stop blaming others and work through their own thoughts and feelings about the conflict they are experiencing.
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Empathy
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Express compassion and understanding for your child when she is in trouble or otherwise seems to be lacking the appropriate problem-solving skills. Validate her feelings while making it clear you do not condone or excuse the behavior. "You must have felt so frustrated when you hit your brother. What can you do next time instead of hitting him when he touches your things?" This will help your daughter to think it through. She will begin to feel you trust her to solve her own problems.
Ideas
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If your child has trouble coming up with solutions on his own, ask if he would like to hear your stories or ideas. Avoid lecturing or scolding as this may shut down communication with your son. Offer like this: "Would you like to hear the story of how Aunt Laura and I learned how to get along?" Chances are, he will. This can help to trigger some of his own solutions.
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Verbalize
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As your child verbalizes ideas, ask her what steps she can take to follow through with her solution. Ask "what if" questions. This enables your daughter to verbalize the consequences of her solutions. If she states she can fix the fight with her friend by never speaking to her again, follow up with, "but what if you want someone to play with?" Deeper problem-solving skills will begin to emerge as your daughter learns to think things through.
Be Positive
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Approach your child in a manner that shows you believe he is capable of following through. If his idea doesn't work, assist him through the steps again. Ask your son, "What's something else you can do to try to solve this dilemma?"
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References
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