Condolence Ideas for Relatives

Offering your condolences is sometimes tricky but very necessary.

Death is a very difficult event for a family to face, but the condolences and support of their friends and loved ones can aid the grieving process and remind them that they are loved and thought of in their time of great loss. While it may be difficult to face your own mortality, it is important to acknowledge and honor the deceased, and to support your family members in any way that you can. A grieving family may feel confusion, awkwardness or even resentment toward those who appear to ignore the death.

Being There

It is important to feel the support of friends and loved ones when dealing with loss. It can sometimes be difficult for a person who is grieving to complete simple, everyday tasks such as getting out of bed or remembering to eat throughout the day. A strong support network can make a world of difference, and can help the bereaved embrace their grief while getting as closely back to normal as possible.

Flowers

Flowers can be a simple, tasteful gift of condolence.

Flowers can be a kind, thoughtful gift, and are especially appreciated on the day of the funeral, delivered to the funeral home. Some religions and cultures do not view flowers (or flowers of certain colors) as an appropriate gift of condolence, so it is always a good idea to make sure of the family's preferences before sending a gift of flowers.

Food or Gift Basket

A meal or a gift basket are good ways to show your support.

A gift of food or a gift basket may be a good gesture of condolence, especially for smaller families who may not be thinking of purchasing or eating food. Stick to one-pot, easy to heat meals like casserole, lasagna or stew so that minimal work is required for the family to eat it, and make yourself aware of any allergy, dietary or religious restrictions the family might have. If you decide to send a gift basket, ensure that it is not a generic version with the usual contents of crackers and tea. The more personalized the basket, the more relevant and meaningful the gift will be.

Card or Letter

A heartfelt letter full of happy memories and kind words can offer comfort to the bereaved.

A sympathy card is a perfect way to acknowledge the family's loss. Ensure that the card is tasteful and appropriate to the deceased, but also include a personal message rather than a simple signature to show sincerity. Even if you are not sure what to say, the phrase, "I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry for your loss." is still better than no message at all. If you wish, a longer letter can be a wonderful way to pay your respects. Include happy memories of the deceased or reasons why they were admired. Kind words can often mean more than any gift of flowers or food.

Charitable Donations

Making a donation to a charity is a wonderful way to pay tribute to the deceased. Try to be as relevant as possible in your choice of charity. For example, if the deceased worked with children, perhaps a donation to a children's hospital is suitable. If the deceased loved nature, you may wish to consider donating funds to a wildlife preservation fund. If a particular disease was a factor in the death, a donation to a society dedicated to finding a cure or assisting other patients is a kind gesture. Afterwards, send a card to the family to inform them that a donation was made in their loved one's name, and explain why that particular charity was chosen. You may want to include a short anecdote about the deceased to give it further context and share your memories with your family.

References

• Sympathy Cards Direct: Appropriate Sympathy Gifts and Condolences in Different Religions
• Gift Ideas Plus: Sympathy/Condolences
• Wendy.com: I Don't Know Where to Start: Writing Letters of Condolence; Russ, Wendy
• Condolence Phrases