Tips on Single Ladies
Lauren Hill said "respect is just a minimum." It isn't something you reserve for your mom and your future wife. Even if you're just out looking for a good time, the best way to approach a single woman is to show interest in the complexities that make her human, like her thoughts and opinions. If the moves that worked like a charm in the freshman dorms won't even get you the time of day in the real world, it may be time to admit defeat and join the ranks of your fellow evolved males. There are tips to help you determine if your knowledge of women is more likely to land you a date or a role in an after-school special about unhealthy relationships.
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The Most Important Thing You'll Ever Learn
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A woman's purpose is not to look good, navigate your advances or say yes to sex. It's not enough to believe this statement in theory. It has to manifest itself in your actions. Not learning this tip has real consequences. Continually valuing a woman's appearance and sexuality over her value as a whole person carves away at her self-esteem and self worth. "Over time women become untrusting of any advances, not letting their guard down," says Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, marriage and family psychotherapist and author of "The Short Guide to a Happy Marriage." When that happens, it's even more difficult to get to know a woman, according to O'Neill.
Difference Between Appreciation and Objectification
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A woman is much more than her physical body. It's unreasonable to expect you to never appreciate women for their beauty. Part of physical attraction lies in your brain's hard-wiring. Still, if you want to forge successful relationships with women, learn the difference between appreciation and objectification. For example, if you can remember more about a woman's body than the conversation you just had with her, you're guilty of objectification. Make an effort to appreciate the whole package.
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Her Religious Beliefs Probably Don't Include You
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There's a difference between confidence and narcissism. Your mom might think you're a God, but a woman who couldn't pick you out of a lineup won't know you're not just trying to get her into bed if you only show her your cocky bravado. Confidence manifests itself in many subtle ways, like your attitude, posture and mannerisms. It isn't necessarily about being in love with yourself. Plus, if you have to try so hard to show that you're macho or or smooth, it'll be obvious to everyone that you're not any of those things.
If You're Looking For a Mother, Go to Your Mom's House
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Any single woman you meet has her own thing going on, be that work, school or caring for her family. She's not looking for a second job called "taking care of you." If you expect a woman to dote on you, cook you dinner and pick up your underwear, you might want to consider hiring a nanny instead of heading to Singles Night. Mature, healthy relationships require an equal commitment to equal work.
If You Saw It in a Movie, Don't Do It
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Romantic comedies won't help you understand women, unless it's your goal to do so from a jail cell. If she tells you once that she isn't interested, it isn't an invitation for you to ask her 10 more times, shake down her friends for info, send her flowers, show up at her house or friend-request her on Facebook. The relentless pursuit is only romantic in movies. In the real world, it's called stalking, and it's a felony.
Settle for No Less Than Enthusiastic Consent
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If you have to buy a woman drinks to get her to talk to you, she's probably not that interested in the first place. Liquoring her up in the hopes of getting her into bed is not only sleazy and desperate, it's a form of sexual assault. If a woman is drunk, passed out or otherwise not in control of her faculties, she cannot enthusiastically consent to sex. She can't even unenthusiastically consent to sex. Sex with a person without consent is called rape, and it can ruin a woman's life.
If You Get Shot Down, Don't Shoot Back
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If a woman turns you down and wounds your ego, use your exit to show her that you're a classy guy. "A lot of people worry advances may make women uncomfortable. It is not the advances themselves that do, but how a rejected advance is handled that irks women," says author and social psychologist Seif-Eldeine Och. A well-played exit isn't just respectful; it also shows her that your self-worth isn't based on other people's approval, according to Och, and that may make you stand out from the crowd.
Talk to Her to Get to Know Her
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Talk to her in person more than you talk to her online or via text. It takes real, human to human communication to get a feel for someone's personality. "Continuing to prefer texting throughout the early stages of dating and beyond is a way to maintain distance and keep things impersonal," according to professional matchmaker and relationship coach Rachel Russo. If you meet online, move the relationship into real life sooner than later and don't rely on messages and emails past the initial first few contacts.
Be Yourself...Really
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Unless you really are a player, the best way to avoid looking like one is to drop the act associated with winning (read: conquering) a woman and just open yourself up to honest, meaningful encounters. Even if the encounters only lead to one date, you'll both be able to have clear consciences.
Do The Right Thing
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Respecting women rather than objectifying them should be something you do because you understand it's the right thing, not because you think it will strengthen your game and help you a date. Sometimes women just want to have a good time, too. Open, honest communication can ensure that you both get what you want from your time together in a healthy and mutually beneficial way. Approaching dating like a frat party will eventually relegate you to women who don't respect themselves enough to be equal players in healthy, fulfilling relationships.
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References
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