Techniques to Calm Down an Angry Person
Anger is a normal healthy emotion, according to the American Psychological Association. However, uncontrolled anger can lead to dysfunctional personal relationships, conflict with co-workers and employers and health problems. Uncontrolled anger may also lead to legal charges due to assault, threats of harm or intimidation and disturbing the peace. It is sometimes difficult to know how to help an angry person calm down, and common responses to anger often fuel the anger. There are strategies that people can use to calm down an angry person and prevent or minimize negative consequences.
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Use a Calm Voice
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A natural response for many people when they are approached by someone who is speaking loudly or yelling is to speak even louder. There seems to be a common misconception that speaking loudly will get a person's attention better than using a normal volume of speech. However, this perpetuates the problem and the angry person will then speak or yell louder. To prevent a shouting match, maintain a normal volume of speech. Often the angry person will have to lower his volume to even hear what you are saying. In some cases, the yelling will not stop, but you may prevent it from getting worse.
Use a Non-Threatening Stance
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Standing directly in front of a person or in a person's personal space may make an angry person feel threatened and may perpetuate the outburst. A non-threatening stance is slightly to the side of the person, not blocking him from exiting the area. Every person's perception is different, but personal space generally measures three feet or an arm's length away. Imagine a circle three feet around the angry person and stay out of his circle.
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Don't Talk About What Is Wrong
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It is almost impossible to resolve a conflict while a person is angry. The raging emotions impede rational thought and reasoning. However, avoid telling the angry person that she is irrational or unreasonable. When the person calms down she can discuss what made her angry and ways to resolve it. Let her know that you do want to resolve the issue, but you cannot speak to her until she calms down.
Listen
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Often a person becomes angry because he feels no one is listening. Make reflective statements such as, "I hear you saying you are angry," and "You don't think anyone cares." Avoid arguing with the person if something he says is not true. You may wish to challenge these statements once he is calm, but doing so now may only make him angrier. Using reflective listening prevents further arguments with the angry person and gives him nowhere to go with his anger.
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