What Are the Right Words to Express in a Sympathy Card?

Creating a well-written sympathy card isn't as difficult as you think.

Sympathy cards can be sent for a variety of reasons. Oftentimes sympathy cards are sent after learning of a friend or family member's serious illness or when there has been a death in someone's family. Typically cards are only sent to those you have a close connection with -- for example, a member of your extended family or in-laws. It's a good rule of thumb that the more you know the person, the more personalized your card should be. When written well, a heartfelt card can lift someone's spirits considerably, which is why learning how to write a sympathy card well is so valuable.

Expressing Condolences

One of the most common -- and important -- aspects of a sympathy card is the simple expression of your condolences. When doing this, try to be open and honest. Think about what you are responding to and craft your note accordingly, always making sure your tone is somewhere between loving and encouraging. You can do this by simply stating you were sorry to learn that your friend's child is very ill, or that you wish him a speedy recovery. If there has been a death, you may also write that you were shocked to learn of the death and include a personal remembrance to let them know the person will be missed. It's important to establish that personal connection so that your card doesn't seem cold or unfeeling.

Showing Support

It's always important to let your support shine through in your sympathy card. Often, those who are grieving are trying to juggle their daily lives with extreme stress (such as the illness of someone close to them or a death in the family). While it's important to offer your condolences, it's just as important to offer your support and there are many ways of doing this. If the recipient has children, offer to babysit. You could also simply pick up the phone and be there for emotional support. A lot of times those grieving need help cooking meals and simply cleaning their house. If you're not sure what to do, just ask.

Pitfalls

In order to make your card genuine, author Judith Martin recommends writing your message out long hand, rather than simply signing your name to the card. Whatever you choose to write, it's important that your sympathies be authentic and sincere. Try to establish a personal connection and make your condolences as heartfelt and natural as possible.

Print Versus Online

Although sending an e-card may be fast and convenient, it's still not seen as a good alternative when it comes to sympathy cards. A paper card is generally looked more favorably upon and seems more genuine than an e-card. However, if a paper card is not an option, you should choose an e-card that is simply designed and easy to access. Also, be sure to craft a message that is personal and conveys your deepest sympathies.

References

• "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior"; Judith Martin; 2005

Resources

• ObituariesHelp.org: Messages to Write in a Sympathy Card Examples