List of How to Negotiate With Family & Friends
When faced with a conflict that requires negotiation, many people experience apprehension and dread. These negative feelings are often magnified when faced with the situation of having to negotiate with a family member or close friend. Successfully navigating the emotional minefield that contentious negotiations with a loved one can present requires diligent preparation and thought-out strategy.
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Factual Research
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In any negotiation, a well-prepared party is more likely to achieve a favorable outcome. When negotiating with a family member or close friend, there exists a danger of creating animosity or hard feelings. Animosity can arise when focus is lost on the actual dispute and parties are fueled by hard feelings from prior disputes. Having complete command over all of the facts of the dispute giving rise to the negotiation can help keep both parties focused.
Adversary's Goals
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When engaged in a negotiation, there is a tendency to only focus on your goals and assume that your adversary wishes to accomplish those same goals. If negotiating with a family member or close friend, you are very likely to be familiar with their needs and desires. It can be very productive for your negotiation preparation to place yourself in their shoes and think about what the adverse party wishes to accomplish from the negotiation.
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Think "Win-Win"
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After performing factual research and thinking about the goals of both yourself and your adversary, determine whether a win-win solution is possible. Parties engaged in negotiations tend to view the negotiation process as a zero-sum gain, in which a gain for one party is a loss for the other party. Win-win negotiating, on the other hand, seeks to create mutually beneficial solutions for all parties. Make a list of all issues relevant to the negotiation. Classify each of these issues as having high, medium or low importance to both yourself and your adversary. Use these classifications to create proposals that are mutually beneficial to both parties.
Negotiation Strategy
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Arrange a set time and place to conduct the negotiation. While speaking with your family member or loved one, maintain a calm voice. While you may have the temptation to "take control" of the negotiation, this strategy can often backfire by creating resentment and removing any opportunity to learn about your adversary's goals. Instead, ask your adversary open-ended questions and watch for non-verbal cues. In addition to learning more about the goals of your adversary, he will feel more involved in the negotiation process and less likely to feel resentment toward you.
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