Common Problems Faced by Parents When Raising Teenage Boys

Raging testosterone is often to blame for difficult teenage male behavior.

When boys reach their teen years, they hit circumstances that are unique to them and that few others experience. They find themselves on the threshold of manhood, with all its responsibilities and expectations. Some may try to avoid that. Others rebel against it. Either way, parents may wonder where their little boy went and who the stranger is who has replaced him.

Withdrawal

Withdrawal is a boy's "flight" response to the scary world on the horizon, according to an article by Brad Munson on Parenting Teens Online. It's not manly to admit fear, so he may go to his room and shut the world out. Suddenly, his bedroom door is always closed, and you may only see him if he has to leave to find food or use the bathroom. Though you may think no human being could or should live like that, it's normal and it will pass. Do your best to engage him in conversation --- even idle chit-chat --- when he does emerge. Maintain communication with him, however scant it may seem. When he does leave his room, make sure the rest of your home is a safe, comfortable place where he can talk about his feelings when and if he decides he wants to.

Acting Out

The flip side to "flight" is "fight." Munson's article indicates that even if your son doesn't start hiding in his room for hours on end, you may wish he had. Some boys react to the changes they're facing by trying to convince the world they're up for it, engaging in aggressive, even dangerous, behavior. Auto insurance companies typically charge high premiums for young, male drivers because statistics show they are about twice as likely to drive recklessly and have collisions. Your son may suddenly become rude and rebellious as he asserts his masculinity. This, too, will pass, but in the meantime, make sure he understands that there are consequences for his behavior. If he gets a speeding ticket, take the car keys for awhile.

Sexuality

By the time a boy turns 14, his testosterone levels can jump as high as 1,200 ng/dL. To put this in perspective, when he finally reaches his 20s, it will drop to the neighborhood of 250 ng/dL --- and that's the high end of the spectrum. As a result, he is thinking about sex a lot and, in the beginning, he may not realize that every other boy his age is doing that, too. He may feel ashamed and that something is wrong with him. He may think that if you look at him too closely, you'll be able to see how obsessed he is on this subject. It's important to talk to him about it if you can find an opening, to assure him that he's normal. It's also time to have that little talk with him about safe sex and contraception.

Other Effects of Testosterone

Your son's raging hormones are also playing a part in his "fight or flight" behaviors. High levels of testosterone will leave him feeling less inclined to socialize, which provides him with another reason to retreat to his room and close the door. Excessive testosterone also causes aggression. But these hormone levels will eventually ebb, and you'll have your boy back again.

References

• Parenting Teens Online; Raising Teen Sons: Helping Your Son Through the Challenges of Becoming a Man; Brad Munson
• Single Parent Center: Tips on Raising a Teen Boy
• LIFamilies; Raising Cain: Being Able to Understand Your Teenage Son; Mia Bolaris-Forget
• Mayo Medical Laboratories: Testosterone, Total, Bioavailable and Free, Serum
• "The Times"; Teenage Hormones That Separate Girls From Boys; Dr. Louann Brizendine; Mar. 28, 2007