Adoption Support Groups for Adolescents
A fundamental building block of a human being's identity is understanding who she is and where she comes from. While the emotional issues at this stage can be difficult for any adolescent, it can be especially difficult for adopted teens. This is because adopted children may have little information about their birth parents or cultural heritage to help them fit in to the world around them. Support resources, which help develop healthy self esteem and deal with underlying emotional issues, are vital.
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Adoption Intensifies the Realities of the Adolescent Body
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Adopted children who appeared healthy and happy through early childhood can become very different persons as the teenage years hit. Not that this is unusual, as most adolescents' personalities, affected by hormones, bodily changes, new class structures and shifting friendships, undergo a metamorphosis that has parents saying "Call me when you turn 21." But the fact of adoption can intensify already-raging hormones and confidence issues by adding extra emotions of loss, medical issues, identity, and self-esteem to the mix. It can help to have adopted teens talk to each other about their mixed emotions.
Dealing with Loss and Grief
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Sooner or later, adoptees come to terms with the reality of their adoption. Even though being adopted also means that someone purposely chose to love and protect you, being adopted means that someone, somewhere, let you go. The loss and grief attached to this primal wound can be so deep and so long-lasting that many people never get over it. Teenagers can find themselves obsessing over questions like "who am I?" and "where do I fit?" Finding support groups with which to interact can help. Several websites, such as the National Fostercare and Adoption Directory, can help teens search in local areas for teenage support groups. On-line groups such as the Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption Teen FaceBook page allows teens from a cultural background to connect, no matter where they live.
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Struggling with Identity and Self Esteem
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A highly-acclaimed book that helps teens and their parents understand the identity issues faced in adoption is "Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens" by Deborah Riley, MS, with John Meeks, MD, who work with The Center for Adoption Support & Education (CASE). According to Riley, "though only 2% of American children are adopted, they make up one-third of the teens in therapy." Their premise: adopted children deal with a special set of emotional issues that re-emerge during adolescence. Parents and therapists need to understand the wounds of adoption and the confused set of emotions adopted teens feel as they struggle with their identity. Until they can do this, it is difficult for them to become healthy adults.
Handling Practical Health Issues: The Hidden Genetic Information
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A teen's fixation on finding birth parents can have a practical side. Aside from the emotional issues adopted teenagers face, genetic concerns and underlying health issues are also faced by adopted teens. While it is comforting to think of them far in the future, there are cases where serious health conditions are discovered which might have been mitigated if birth parent information was available; congenital hip deformities requiring surgery, underlying mental health issues, diabetes and heart problems, to name a few examples. Helping a teen discover who she is may help you prevent future health issues from becoming life-threatening problems.
Learning How to Talk About Emotional Issues
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Several organizations and sites can help a parent find local resources or information on how to talk with your adopted teen. Begin by going directly to your adoption agency website resource, or the US Department of Health and Human Services. You can also just put in your state and the words "Department of Children's Services" into your search function for a list of local support resources. The key is to keep communicating. If you don't give up, and allow your teen to seek avenues to discuss her feelings, you maintain a way to connect with your adopted teen.
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References
- USD of Health & Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, 'Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons':
- National Fostercare and Adoption Directory, Domestic adoption and general support resources for adoptees:
- The Center for Adoption Support and Education:
- Adoption Issues.org: Addressing the Needs of Adopted Teens:
Resources
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