Speed Dating Secrets
At speed dating events, you have a predetermined length of time, usually from five to eight minutes, to create a positive impact on a potential partner. Then the bell rings and a new person appears in front of you. Once your eyes have quickly taken in your speed dating partner's physical presentation, including personal hygiene, clothing style and overall panache, it's time to look a little deeper.
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Stay Centered
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It's important to be centered in yourself and open to the other person at the same time. You can't project who you actually are if you're too busy overwhelming the other person with your wonderful attributes. A nervous, self-conscious person can't be fully present and attentive, and attentiveness is a seductive trait. It can't be faked.
Prepare Some Openers
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First, take a few seconds to greet the person and make him feel at home with a welcoming smile. Have a number of open-ended, natural conversation openers ready, but be careful not to let them override any opportunities for spontaneity. Prepared openers come in handy if you're both feeling tongue-tied.
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But Be Spontaneous Too
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Nobody likes to be approached with stock questions or memorized lines. Spontaneity means to be truly present in the moment with the unique person in front of you. Trust your instincts, put your heart in the right place and say what comes to mind. Invite the other person to do the same. When practiced skillfully, spontaneity will make a conversation more genuine and fun.
Make Mistakes
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Speed dating is a skill that you shouldn't expect to master in the first few tries. If you don't make mistakes, you won't learn anything. So go ahead and make them. And while you're at it, notice that other people make mistakes too. Later, you can reflect on how these mistakes affected the conversation and how to do things differently the next time.
Take the Spotlight Off You
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People feel good around people who know how to listen, so give them the stage and shine an attentive light on whatever they are sharing with you. Ask a few observant questions to further draw them out. If they ask questions about you, be forthcoming but brief.
Enjoy Yourself
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If you aren't enjoying this chance to meet a roomful of eligible and interesting people, maybe you should have stayed home to watch TV. People feel good around people who are obviously engaged and enjoying themselves, so relax and smile.
Indicate Your Interest
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If you're interested in her, don't wait until the sound of the bell to say so. Let her know that you enjoyed the conversation and would like to continue it another time. But don't express interest if it isn't there, and don't feel hurt if there's a lack of interest on her side. Interest has to flow from both directions to spark a meaningful first date.
Don'ts
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Don't drink alcohol before or during the speed dating session. Don't talk about former partners. Don't ask personal questions, show photos of your children or talk about problems or issues. These few precious minutes are only for measuring the potential chemistry between the two of you.
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References
Resources
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