Activities for the Five Love Languages
After years of observing couples through marriage counseling, Dr. Gary Chapman realized that each individual had a "love language" they used to communicate with their partner. When these love languages were ignored, the couples found themselves in conflict. In 1992, Dr. Chapman released his book, "The Five Love Languages," summarizing the most common ways that he found individuals express and interpret love. With each of the love languages, couples can take specific actions to improve their relationship.
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Words of Affirmation
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Words of Affirmation, the first love language, refers to the positive words and phrases that partners can use to complement each other and offer support and inspiration. Demonstrating verbal appreciation can be as simple as saying "thank you" or telling your partner that a new outfit or haircut looks good. Words of Affirmation also refers to apologizing and asking for or offering forgiveness, and to providing encouragement in difficult times. These words are delivered with kindness and are requests, not demands. The Counseling Center of New Smyrna Beach suggests that couples practice the first love language by writing out each other's positive traits. Each day, they should make an effort to tell their partners about one trait they appreciate.
Quality Time
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So often couples are distracted by their children and work priorities not to mention their cell phones and the television. The second love language, Quality Time, is the act of showing complete attention through conversation and shared activities. Quality Time is time spent away from life's distractions where couples can talk openly, ask questions and listen attentively. A couple may have completely different communication styles where one is an avid talker and one would rather not talk at all. When Quality Time is the primary love language of one partner, the other must learn to talk and to listen sympathetically by asking questions and maintaining eye contact. Quality Time typically involves planning to find time away from any distractions. Consider setting aside a small amount of time each day as dedicated quality time.
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Receiving Gifts
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A partner whose primary love language is Receiving Gifts does not necessarily want expensive presents. They look at gifts as tokens of appreciation and thoughtfulness. The gift can be bought or handmade, more importantly it shows that they are known and that an effort was made. From flowers to a favorite magazine, a gift can simply tell your partner that you are thinking of them. To get an idea of what types of gifts are meaningful, make a list of what your partner has shown excitement for over the years or ask her friends and other family members for suggestions. Gifts should not be given every day, but they should not just be given for birthdays, Christmas and other special occasions.
Acts of Service
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Acts of Service, the fourth love language, are those every day or frequent chores that couples do and can leave them feeling tired or resentful. These can be tasks like vacuuming, walking the dog or taking the car for an oil change. In relationships, these acts seem to fall to one partner or the other and they may take great joy when help is offered. Each partner can make a list of the tasks that they would like help with and then exchange those lists. Choose one task a month to take on. These lists represent a request, not a demand. Dr. Chapman stresses that the partner must choose to take on the act of service.
Physical Touch
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The final love language of Physical Touch refers to more than sexual intimacy, although that can be very important to some partners. Physical touch can also be represented by a kiss, back massage or holding hands. These acts show caring and affection. A hug during a difficult time can demonstrate concern. Some signs of affection may be unwelcome for one partner. Couples should discuss what feels most comfortable for them.
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Comments
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I need suggestions for inexpensive gifts to give my husband which won't take up a lot of room.
