Tips to Make Good Friends

Good friends can be hard to come by.

For some people, finding, making and keeping good, lifelong friends is something that just seems to happen naturally. For everyone else, the quest for quality companionship can be just as fraught with questions and challenges as the search for romance or the perfect life's calling. If you need an agenda and plan for your search for friends, figure out the best ways to find people to connect with and how to build and sustain your relationships, even if it doesn't come naturally to you.

Finding Friends

Finding good potential friends is all about finding people you have a lot in common with. Specifically, good friends that share with you some of your more esoteric hobbies and passions are the ones that are nearest and dearest to your heart. Find people like this by exploring local outlets for your interests, such as conventions, book clubs or art exhibits. You also might try volunteering for some of your favorite causes or nonprofit organizations.

Knowing "Good Friend" Material

Once you've started meeting people with whom you have something to talk about, you'll probably find there are some you'd like to hang out with a bit more and get to know. If you're wondering which people are going to be worth the effort for you, it's time to observe what your new acquaintances are like in terms of character. Looking for people that you consider to have good integrity is important because it tells you about how they'll treat you. Since it's hard to be objective about how people treat you, look at how they treat others. Try to notice how they behave when they think they're not being watched.

Forming Friendships

This stage of making friends can be difficult if you have social anxieties or difficulty having an instinct for social cues. When in doubt, relax and try not to worry; when you take it easy, people often respond better to the occasional faux pas than they do to the "right" social behavior undertaken nervously. Another good way to make developing friendships easier is to invite social contact in groups rather than one on one. Also remember; people you like are going to be prone to like you, too, since this is a sign that you have things in common.

Maintaining Friendships

Maintaining and developing a friendship over the long term is all about sharing your lives but not depending on each other to the exclusion of others. This means being a good listener, but it also means being willing to talk and share your own news, thoughts and feelings. At the same time, keep jealousy out of relationships with friends and respect one another's autonomy. Put forward your best efforts and expect them to be returned in kind over the long run. If they're not, things may not be working out with certain friends.

Conflict

Just like family and romantic relationships, a meaningful friendship should be able to weather the occasional storm. Be prepared for the occasional argument with friends. Being able to work through differences of opinion makes your friendship stronger. With a friend, the first argument is usually the toughest, but it's also an important time to establish the trust that will get you through any other arguments that come. Be patient when this happens, and keep reminding yourself of the reasons you like that person in the first place.

References

• "How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships;" Leil Lowndes; 2003