A List of the Universal Signs of a Physically Abusive Relationship
Physically abusive relationships can occur in relationships of any kind, such as with a friend, lover or family member, and usually involve hitting, punching and kicking. These relationships don't just physically impact you; these relationships can affect your emotional and mental well-being. You may even develop certain mental conditions because of the abuse, such as depression and psychological dependency. However, there are universal signs of these relationships to help you identify a possible physically abusive relationship and reach help sooner.
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Blame-shifting
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An abuser may shift blame onto you or someone else instead of taking responsibility for his feelings or actions. For instance, if he lost his job, he won't take responsibility for his part in precipitating that outcome; rather, he blames someone else. In addition, instead of acknowledging his negative feelings as a result of his own actions, he feels they are a result from how you made him feel. To identify this blame-shift, look for sentences such as "I wouldn't have gotten angry if you hadn't done that." Also note responsibility-shifting for positive feelings. Sentences like "You make me happy" imply that you are responsible for his well-being.
Controlling Behavior
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An abusive person may exhibit controlling tendencies, such as getting angry when you're late getting back from an obligation or by asking you in-depth questions about what you did when she was not around. These questions or feelings are often disguised as a result of her concern for you, such as concern for your safety when you're out too late. This "concern" can gradually build, leading to a relinquishment of rights and abilities to make decisions of all kinds. Note that while concern is normal, concern that begins to control your behavior is not.
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Isolation
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Controlling behavior can lead to isolating you from family and friends and monitoring where you go or what you do. This isolation may increase to controlling who you talk to over the phone or on emails and what you read, curtailing any effort to use the car or dictate where you work. He also may limit all of your social interactions to those you do together. To justify this, your abuser may proclaim that they are causing trouble, changing you or negatively affecting the relationship you two share. He also may use jealousy, saying that you spend too much time with your family or friends and not enough with him.
Emotional Abuse
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Abusive relationships rarely start with physical abuse; they start with the abuser using a variety of ways to control you. One of these ways is through emotional abuse. For instance, she may put you down in public, humiliate you, call you names and make you feel bad about yourself. Emotional abuse can be hard to identify, but look for "playful" threats and bullying, put-downs and teasing.
Substance or Alcohol Abuse
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Drinking and substance abuse are not signs of an abusive personality. Nor do these substances directly cause violence. However, heavy drinking or excessive substance abuse may be a sign of a physical abuser and can actually increase its likelihood when excessive amounts of either substance are taken. The abuser may likely blame his abuse on the substance at hand.
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References
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