Solutions After a Divorce

Divorce affects almost every aspect of your life.

An estimated 40 to 50 percent of American marriages ended in divorce as of 2009. Divorce is the second most stressful life event, behind the death of a spouse, according to an article published in the "Journal of Psychological Research." In both cases, you must start over and make new beginnings in almost every area of your life. Once you do, however, the transition period passes and you can start to move on.

Emotional

Emotional recovery is often the most difficult hurdle to get over in the early days after a divorce. You are faced with a change of identity, from being half of that particular partnership to being a person on your own. Get rid of possessions that are painful reminders of the past and replace them with things more pertinent to your new life. Let go of negative emotions like anger and bitterness, which only drain the energy you need to repair your life and make positive changes. Get help from a therapist, if necessary. Letting go of anger is a difficult thing to accomplish on your own.

Financial

Once there were two incomes to pay monthly expenses and housing costs. Now there is only yours. Sit down and make an honest list of your expenses, then compare it to your income from all sources, including any child or spousal support you may be receiving. Address the gap sooner rather than later. The longer it exists, the more likely you are to borrow against retirement funds or other sources to fix the shortfall. Bringing your expenses and income into sync usually requires both cutting back and earning more. Look for things you can let go of without too much angst, such as downsizing your car or cutting back on the cable package that provides hundreds of channels you rarely watch. Figure out what you can do to earn a little more. This might involve long term planning, such as going back to school to acquire the skills necessary to reenter the workforce.

Social

You'll need a support network, so don't shut out your friends because you're too stressed out or busy to take the time to get together with them. The time you spend with them will give your mind a break and boost your spirits. Your problems will still be there afterward, but you'll be in a better frame of mind to tackle them. If you find that you don't have much in common with your still-married friends anymore, start meeting new people who are single or also in the process of divorce. Just be careful about getting involved in a new relationship too quickly. Rebound romances are rarely a solution. You need time to heal from the last relationship first.

Parenting

If you had children together, remember that your ex-spouse is always going to be their other parent whether you like it or not. Your family structure is just going to be different from here on in. Put their hearts first. It's in their best interests to maintain a healthy relationship with both of you. As hard as it might be, work to foster that, even if it means putting your anger and your own feelings aside when you're with them. Be especially careful when you're dealing with your ex in their presence.

References

• Psych Central: Reduce the Stress of a Divorce
• Woman's Divorce: Starting Over After Divorce; Judith S. Wallerstein, et al.; 2003
• MSN Money: 5 Steps to Starting Over at Midlife; MP Dunleavy
• CNN Money: Starting Over Post-Divorce and Deep in Debt; Walter Updegrave; May 23, 2006
• Pew Research Center: The States of Marriage and Divorce; D'Vera Cohn; Oct. 15, 2009
• Zabrin Inan, MD: Stress Scales for Adult and Youth