What Can I Do to Build a Stronger Relationship With My Child?

One of life's most important relationships is the one with your child.

As a parent, it can be difficult to balance the roles of disciplinarian and affectionate caregiver. In the parent/child relationship, the parent must be the more powerful of the pair, able to mete out orders and punishment on a whim. Often, the relationship between a child and his parent consists of the parent trying to coerce the child into acting the way that the parent prefers. Similarly, a lot of the interaction between parent and child revolves around correcting the child when he does something wrong. However, there are alternative ways of communicating with a child so that he feels respected and loved.

Refocusing the Relationship

Frequently, a parent's relationship with her child is focused on control -- controlling what the child does, sees, hears, eats and dreams. Often, the means of controlling a child include coercion and shaming accusation. But this type of behavior can lead to insecurity, shame, confusion and even anger towards the offending parent, especially when it is the only interaction between parent and child. Refocusing the relationship from one of coercion to one of affection is a way to introduce positive opportunities into your relationship. Create controlled situations where your child can try something in which he holds interest. Use the time spent with your child as an opportunity to learn who he is and what he thinks.

Involvement

Childhood resentment towards a parent oftentimes springs from lack of involvement in the decisions made regarding that child's life. When you make a decision that directly affects the life of your child, allow him to participate in the decision-making process. Let the child feel as though his opinion is being heard and respected. Listen to your child's complaints and allow him to express his emotions freely, without fear of rejection. When your child knows his thoughts and feelings are taken seriously, his relationship with you becomes strengthened through a feeling of trust and safety.

Showing Affection

One important way to continuously let your child know that you care and love him is simply to tell him. By giving your child daily hugs, praise, verbal affirmations of your love and other affectionate gestures, you constantly remind your child that you are thinking of him. When your child feels loved, he will reciprocate those feelings and desire to have a strong relationship with you.

Spending Time Together

Telling your child that you love him is a meaningful and powerful way to ensure him that he is wanted and cared for. But, as in all things, actions speak louder than words. Expand upon your loving words by diligently and consistently setting aside time to spend with your child. Common activities include eating together, taking a shared walk, playing board games and reading together. When your child has a predictable time when he knows you will spend time with him, he feels like an active part of your life and has tangible proof of how much you care.

References

• Aces: Building a Positive Relationship with Your Child
• Manage Your Child: How to Build a Strong Relationship with Your Child
• UDel: Building Strong Family Relationships