10 Ways to Talk to Your Teen
Talking to your teen need not be challenging. You may think that your teen doesn't want to talk to you, but in most cases he does. The way you talk to him and your method of initiating conversation determines if he will open up to you or remain a closed book. Implementing 10 expert techniques will be beneficial to both you and your teen.
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Connect With Your Teen
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Before beginning any topic, make sure you connect with your teen by using her name and sitting at her eye level. Dr. Sears states that the first key of communication is to connect with your child. When children think you're talking at them they go into defense mode and stop listening.
Be Conversational
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Instead of making your child feel like they're in a lecture when speaking to them about important topics such as drugs, alcohol or sex, allow your child to give some feedback. This helps to decrease any tension between you and your child.
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Use Body Language
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Just as adults do, children can pick up on body language and facial expressions. Sit upright with your arms uncrossed to help create an atmosphere of openness and easy communication.
Talk Without Yelling
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Speaking to your child in a normal tone helps him to feel more secure in voicing his opinions about a subject, which helps you to establish a conversation with your child. However, yelling, being sarcastic, threatening and talking loudly will cause him to shut down or to stop listening altogether.
Keep to the Point
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Open the conversation with your main point rather than rambling on unnecessarily. According to Dr. Sears, the longer you ramble, the more your child becomes “parent-deaf.” Also, try to keep the conversation short, which will avoid lapses in your child's attention.
Enforce Positivity
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Instead of yelling "stop hitting your brother!" say “I want you to stop hitting your brother." Beginning the sentence with the phrase “I want” still gets your request across without your child feeling like he's being ordered. “I want” is more compliant than an order.
Use Social Correctness
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If you want your teen to say please and thank you, use these phrases when speaking to your teen. Your children will learn most of their behaviors from you, so exercising social correctness with your child even at a young age can have a lasting impact on the way they communicate with you or others.
Use Reminders
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Younger children have to be told over and over again to not do certain things, since they have a more difficult time internalizing your orders. As your child gets older, repeat yourself less, as he will regard repeating as nagging. Instead, remind him only when he's broken the rules or if he is at risk of breaking them.
Be Patient
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Once your child begins to open up, do not interrupt her. If you think of a point you don’t want to forget, write it down while periodically looking up at your child to let him know you're still listening.
Be Understanding
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Do not yell at him if he confesses to breaking a house rule. Instead discuss why you set the rule and ask him to explain why he broke it.
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References
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