How to Handle Parents Who Are Not Happy About an Engagement

Encourage your parents to get to know your future spouse better.

An engagement can be the ideal time to help build family ties and bring families together, but if your parents disapprove, planning the wedding can soon become a stressful, painful task. If your parents disapprove of your engagement, do not brush off their concerns. Help them understand your thoughts and how this is the right decision for you.

Listen to Concerns

Your parents likely know you better than anyone, so take the time to constructively listen to their concerns. Listen quietly as they share their concerns and tell them that their approval means a lot to you. Do not interrupt them while they talk to you, and give them your undivided attention. Show that their opinion matters to you. Just because you are taking the time to listen to their concerns does not mean that you agree with them.

Sharing Your Plan

Parents are often worried about an upcoming marriage because they are concerned that it will affect your other plans or take your focus off something that is important to them, such as finishing school. After you listen to your parents’ concerns, share with them your detailed plan for overcoming these obstacles and show them that marriage will not change your ultimate goals. For instance, if they are worried about school, explain to them that your future spouse is on board and will help support you as you finish your degree.

Sharing the Wedding

Help your parents feel better about the coming nuptials by including them in as many parts of the wedding preparation as you can. Give your mom a specific job, such as choosing and addressing the invitations or the florist. Perhaps your dad has a work connection who can help you secure an appropriate reception location. Giving them jobs and asking for their thoughts on wedding preparation will help them see that you still value their input and opinions. If your parents still will not budge on their disapproval, do your best to maintain ties with them. Invite them to the wedding, and keep them involved in your life as much as they will allow. Include your future spouse as much as possible to let them get to know him better.

Age Considerations

If you are underage, listen your parents’ advice and take their disapproval or denial of marriage for what it is worth. Often, parents are worried that you too young or getting married for the wrong reasons, such as pregnancy. Until you are 18, follow your parents’ rules, and if you are still ready, take the leap once you are old enough. Losing your parents' support before you have finished high school and you're able to support yourself could be devastating for you and your spouse.

References

• Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette: The Definitive Guide to Your Wedding Experience; Peggy Post