How to Deal With Relatives Who Make You Angry

Deal with your anger before it leads to more problems.

When someone regularly drives you to the point of anger, you can simply walk away from the situation and avoid them in the future. When it comes to family, this is not always the case. Whether you live with the relative or need only be around them during the holidays, you have to deal with your anger toward your relative. Your anger works against your own piece of mind and could cause problems between you and your loved ones.

Confide in Someone

Pent up anger is unhealthy and leads to problems in other areas of your life. It can make you distracted or short-tempered toward people whose company you otherwise enjoy. Find a trusted friend or relative and talk to them about your problem relative. Discuss with that person what your relative did to make you angry and ask them how you might deal with your anger. If you can confide in someone who also knows your problem relative, she may have advice about how she deals with him.

Confront the Relative

Confrontation is most effective when you have a relative who is pleasant but has a habit that makes you angry. Ask yourself, "Is he trying to make me mad? Does he have reason to know that what he does makes me angry?" If you answer is no, you may need to take a look at yourself. If you have a pet peeve, such as people who chew food with their mouths open, and you haven't made that known, it could just be a matter of asking your relative to change his behavior. Just remember, you may need to remind him occasionally to stop what he is doing, because habits do not go away easily.

Avoidance

Avoid the relative. If your relative is the belligerent type who gets his kicks from seeing you angry, and you do not live with him, this may be your best option. Decline invitations when you know he will be there and don't invite him to gatherings at your home. If you must be at the same place as him, try to stay in a different room or corner of the room. If he says something to you, just smile, give a brief response and get away from him as soon as you can.

Don't Take the Bait

Do not fuel the fire. If your problem relative tries to engage you and make you angry, do not take the bait. Engaging in an argument only inflames your anger and makes you both look bad. Though it is important to talk to someone about your anger with your relative, do not try to force anyone to take sides. This puts your relatives in the awkward position of choosing between you and her.

References

• Angries Out: So You Love an Angry Person
• University of Minnesota: Dealing With Your Own Anger
• Marital Healing: The Angry Spouse/Relative

Resources

• American Psychological Association: Controlling Anger Before It Controls You