How to Deal With a Toddler Who Pushes

Pushing a doll stroller is one thing. Pushing another child is something else entirely.

A toddler who acts out, particularly in a physical or violent manner, is the worst nightmare of many parents. Toddlers may be too young to understand the ramifications of their actions, but pushing is a behavior that must be nipped in the bud if at all possible. Parents need to understand that it goes with the age, however, and respond accordingly.

Reasons

Toddlers may be at a stage in life where they are testing boundaries -- and their parents' patience. They may be struggling to communicate as they learn language skills. It is considered normal for a child under 3 to do such things as push, punch or bite. In a way, pushing is no different from crying or screaming -- it may be the extreme reaction of a child who cannot find another way to get his point across. Likewise, a toddler may not understand that pushing can hurt, and the child may be trying to elicit a response. Another child falling over actually may seem funny to a 2-year-old -- his own little bit of slapstick humor.

Communication

One way to deal with pushing -- or other undesirable behaviors -- is to talk with your child about it. Always do your best to address the child on his terms, using language that he can understand. Explain that pushing can hurt, and it is not acceptable behavior. Be firm but do not yell. The key is getting your message through to the child. Use the same words when imparting a message more than once and be consistent in that message. Make sure both parents react in similar fashion to pushing incidents; if one lectures, but the other shrugs it off, this can easily confuse the child.

Avoidance

Sometimes, the best way to prevent a negative behavior such as pushing is to remove the child from the situation. If the child is in a confrontation with another child, take him from the room. You also can teach your child alternative behaviors, such as encouraging him to say "I don't like that" rather than retaliating with a push. Finally, know what sets off your child and try to avoid putting him in a situation where he might lash out. If he doesn't like to go to bed and pushes a parent who tries to put him to sleep, the best bet may be for that parent to leave the room.

Warnings

As with any discipline, parents want to avoid losing their temper with a toddler, and they certainly want to avoid responding to violence with violence. But they also want to ensure their child understands that there are times when pushing is not acceptable, as well as times when it is. A toddler still learning language can become confused if he is told not to push a schoolmate and then is asked if he would like his father to push him on a swing. Finally, know your limits. If you feel like you are not able to put a stop to your child's behavior, speak with your pediatrician or another expert, such as a teacher, for guidance.

References

• Parents: Controlling Hitting, Biting, Pushing and Shoving