Activities a Divorced Father Can Do With His Teenage Daughter

Playing quiet games together is a great time to get to know each other.

Fathers often have difficulty knowing how to interact with their teenage daughters. This situation becomes even more complicated when divorce enters the picture. When the mother is awarded primary custody, the father often falls into the trap of trying to make every second count when his daughter is with him. Vying for favor and trying to buy your daughter's love is a lose-lose game. The key to a healthy relationship with your daughter is to keep it real.

Balance

Real life is about a balance of work, play, maintenance and rest. Teenagers love to be entertained and on the go. However, if you treat your daughter like an honored guest, instead of your daughter, every time she stays with you, your daughter will develop a sense of entitlement that will not serve her or you well. You both have duties, responsibilities and ideas for what you would like to do. Engage in discussion with your daughter and develop a plan for the day or weekend, making certain that the needs of both of you are met.

Stay in Touch

Call or text your daughter regularly to check in and say hello.

Phone, text or email your daughter when she is not with you. Regular contact helps you stay in touch with your daughter's daily life, and she gets to communicate with you. Teenagers are typically self-absorbed. Nevertheless, they need the vicarious experience of observing their parents' lives to help them develop role models. Ask your daughter about her day and tell her briefly about yours. She doesn't need to know everything about you, just the basics. When she needs your help, be there or make plans to be there for her.

Play Together

Play video games and watch movies together.

Laughing together bonds individuals in a positive way and solidifies relationships. Your teenage daughter has intense emotions at this stage of her life, which may be challenging for a father. When your daughter is uptight, engage her in a physical activity, such as shooting baskets, riding bikes or any other physical activity that is mutually enjoyable to you both. An activity that gets your heart pumping burns off stress chemicals, making it easier to find solutions to problems. Find humor in little things. Laugh at yourself. Laughter is contagious, so pass it on.

Freedom and Safety

Give your daughter the freedom to struggle. Sometimes her struggle will be as simple as how to spend an afternoon while you are completing a work-related task, or it may be as challenging as how to make the basketball team. Offer suggestions, but do not take on the responsibility to make things happen. When parents smooth out every wrinkle in the road for their children, they cripple their children and keep them from ever growing up, according to the parenting book, "The Seven Worst Things Parents Do." Give your daughter safety by being there when she needs to vent her emotions, celebrate her victories and mourn her losses.

Extended Families

Include your daughter whenever practical in casual visits with your parents, brothers, sisters, cousins and others. The greater a teenager's network of support, the better she is able to cope with life's challenges. Keeping your daughter involved with extended family gives her roots, even in the midst of divorce.

References

• Mr. Dad: On Not Being a Disneyland Dad
• The Seven Worst Things Parents Do: John C. Friel, Ph.D.; Linda D. Friel, M.A.

Resources

• Open Education: The Importance of Extended Families: Aunts and Uncles
• Help Guide: Playful Communication in Relationships