How to Cope With Friends Talking About You Negatively

Maintain an open line of communication with feuding friends.

As either an adolescent or grown adult, finding out a group of trusted friends said negative things about you remains a hurtful and painful discovery. While you may feel tempted to retaliate by doing the same, such actions may squash any chance of repairing the friendships in the future. Remain calm, cool and collected while gathering your thoughts and contemplating various solutions.

Sit-Down Talk

You may prefer to write your friends a letter addressing your concerns, but thoughts and feelings can get misconstrued or misinterpreted in written word. Instead, ask your friends to engage in a face-to-face, sit-down conversation with you. Think about everything you want to say beforehand, even writing it out if you prefer. You may feel understandably hurt, but refrain from calling them names, yelling and, above all else, any form of physical confrontation. Encourage your friends to be honest in their opinions of you. Allow everyone ample and even talking time.

Self-Examination

Embark on a journey of self-examination. Although your friends should have spoken to you directly about their issues, remind yourself that that does not invalidate their complaints. Be honest with yourself. Think about what your friends said and ask yourself if there is any truth to their criticism. If you believe they possess legitimate complaints about you, commit to fixing your faults and flaws immediately. Start by telling your friends about your plans to improve yourself.

Time Apart

If you find yourself severely hurt by your friends’ actions, do not rush the healing process. You should consider spending some time apart from those friends. Explain that you need time away to think things through. In the meantime, hang out with another group of friends instead and avoid as much interaction with your other friends as possible. After a few weeks, you should have a better idea as to whether or not you miss your friends or if you feel healthier and more secure without them around.

Talking to Someone Else

If you wish to discuss your feelings with someone other than the offending party, ask another group of friends if you can talk to them about your pain. Specify that you do not want them to talk negatively about your friends as some sort of retaliation; instead, you want them to just lend an ear. If you do not wish to put a mutual friend in an awkward position, seek the guidance of a religious or spiritual leader, such as a priest or minister.

References

• Power to Change: Resolving Conflict in Friendships