Helping a Child to Not Feel Jealous of Others
Experiencing jealousy is a normal part of childhood. Jealousy may be triggered by the presence of a new sibling or a classmate who seems more attractive and popular. The jealousy itself may not be as much of a problem as other feelings that accompany the jealousy such as anger or sadness. You can help a child understand his feelings, which will help him to not feel as jealous of others.
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Listening
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Listen to the child talk about his feelings of jealousy. Ask probing, open questions, such as "How does that make you feel?" when he mentions his mother paying more attention to his younger brother. Be cautious of talking more than listening, though, and imposing your opinion. Don't chide him for his feelings or tell him he shouldn't be feeling what he's feeling. Give your full attention to the child while you're talking with him.
Affirming
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Let the child know that his feelings are normal. If age-appropriate, talk about examples of when you've felt jealous of another person and what you did in response. Your example should model how the child should handle jealous feelings. For example, you may relate a time when you were jealous of a co-worker's talent, but then remembered that you have unique skills and are a valuable member of your work team. Ask the child what other feelings he may be having.
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Reflecting
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Ask the child what prompted the jealous feelings. If there's a specific situation that prompted the feelings, such as another student receiving an award, talk about times when the child was recognized. Remind the child that there will be other opportunities for recognition, and remind him of times when he has been successful or appreciated. Remind the child that he's important and that he's loved.
Quality Time
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Spend individual time with the child, as appropriate. If you're his parent, take him out for dinner, to a movie or to a park. Talk with him about his day and find out what's on his mind. Affirm that he's talented in his own right. Provide him with opportunities to find his own talents, such as trying different sports, music lessons or tutoring if he struggles academically. Feeling more confident will lessen feelings of jealousy.
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References
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