Learning to Be a Supportive Wife
A husband and wife should at least attempt to be on the same page through major decisions throughout their marriage. However, some couples have individual endeavors they pursue and sometimes have issues that require the support of a spouse. Learning to be a supportive wife can help ensure a long, happy marriage.
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Counseling
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While some people only consider counseling when something is wrong in their marriage, using a neutral third party to learn to be supportive can benefit your marriage. If you have found that you have difficulty supporting your husband in his endeavors, set up a meeting with a marriage counselor. Attend a session or two yourself and talk through examples in your life where you wanted to be supportive but didn't know how. A counselor can help teach you how to be supportive in all situations without compromising your needs and desires. If you and your husband are comfortable, a counselor can also help mediate issues between the two of you.
Watch Body Language
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Sometimes your body language actually speaks louder than what you say. For instance, if your husband wants to go out with his friends, and you say, "Go right ahead," yet you stand with your arms crossed with a scowl on your face, you are sending mixed messages. Therefore, it is important to make sure that your body language matches what you are telling your spouse. If you really are okay with what he proposing, let him know that through your words and actions. If you aren't okay with it, let him know so you can talk about it. Practice scenarios in front of the mirror so you can get a feel for how to act to properly portray your feelings.
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Finding Balance
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About 1/3 of marriages in which one spouse receives too much support in the form of advice from their spouse begin to decline, according to Psychology Today. This statistic shows that there is such a thing as being too supportive. Therefore, it is important to learn how much support is enough and how much is too much. The desired kind of support can have an impact, as well. Much of this learning process is trial and error as you go through life's problems. However, you can learn more quickly by communicating with your husband at times when he doesn't need your support. Ask him what type of support he feels is more effective for him, such as talking it out together or talking while you listen. Let him tell you what he expects from you when he isn't in the middle of a situation that requires support so you can learn what he needs and can use it when he really needs it. Talking about your methods can also help you learn what to use for the future and what to abandon in your support method.
Invisible Support
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Opening the lines of communication to talk about the issues directly is an obvious way for you to support your husband. However, in some situations, an invisible approach can be more effective. For instance, if your husband is having difficulties at work, use an example of one of your own coworkers or relatives who has gone through a similar situation. Let your husband know what that person did to remedy the problem so he can use those ideas to help his own situation. Using indirect support shows your husband that you are listening and care without telling him what he should do. Instead, he feels as though he is in control of the situation.
Using "I" Statements
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When a situation where your husband is expecting support from you escalates into an argument, it is important to learn how to cope with the argument in a way that gets your point across while being supportive. The use of "I" statements takes the blame away from the argument and lets your husband know that you are listening. For instance, work on beginning your sentences with phrases such as "I believe" or "I think" so you own what you are going to say. These statements show your husband that you aren't attacking him, but are rather trying to understand. If you can understand his point of view and express your viewpoints at the same time, you can support him, even when you disagree.
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References
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