Tips on Eye Contact in Communication With Kids

Maintain eye contact with your child to be sure he understands your message.

It is commonly known that making eye contact with children while disciplining them is important. What you may not know is why it is so important, or how to do it successfully. When speaking to children, establishing and maintaining eye contact can make all the difference in whether or not your child has heard or understood your message.

Establish a Pattern

Beginning when your child is an infant, establish a pattern of maintaining eye contact while you are speaking to her. Doing so will teach your child that eye contact is an important part of conversation, and this lesson will stick with her as she grows. As a child grows older, it may be harder to maintain eye contact with her through an entire conversation. Many times, children who understand that eye contact is part of normal conversation can be reminded with a small visual clue, such as pointing to your eyes, that eye contact is expected during a discussion.

Get On Her Level

When speaking with a child, you should attempt to get down to her level. This movement establishes that you are equals in the conversation, and that no one person will be dominating the discussion. It will also be easier to maintain eye contact through a conversation or discipline technique if you are down on your child's level. Before you begin speaking, be sure that your child has made eye contact and is maintaining it. Stay on her level during the entire conversation. Standing, stretching or walking away will break eye contact.

Give Cues

Once you are on your child's level, you may need to provide visual or verbal cues that will help her to remember to establish and maintain eye contact. Try touching the bridge of your nose and saying "eyes right here, please." This will give your child a place to focus her attention, as well as a verbal reminder that you will not begin speaking with her until the two of you have established eye contact. If at any point in the conversation your child breaks eye contact, touch the bridge of your nose again to bring her eyes back to you. Or, touch your nose and say "eyes right here, please" again if necessary. Do not continue a conversation with a child who will not maintain eye contact.

Avoid Arguments

When speaking with children, be sure to speak in a calm voice. Raising your voice while disciplining may cause them to break eye contact or squirm away because they are uncomfortable. Give the verbal and visual clues to establish eye contact if necessary, take a deep breath and begin the conversation. If you feel yourself getting angry or overwhelmed, close your eyes briefly and take another deep breath. Re-establish eye contact and begin the conversation again. Remember that if your child shows you respect by establishing and maintaining eye contact while you are speaking, you should show her the same respect by allowing her to speak freely and maintaining eye contact while she does so.

References

• Understanding Children; Judith A. Schickedanz