Engagement Gift Traditions and Pearls
Unlike weddings, where gifts are expected of guests, engagements and parties that celebrate them do not necessitate giving the couple a gift. Many friends, relatives and well-wishers do give gifts, however the gesture is fully optional and can be any kind of gift that the bride and groom-to-be can enjoy. Pearls in some cultures are part of the rite of engagement, while in others, pearls serve as a wedding present from groom to bride.
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Heirlooms and Traditional Gifts
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The tradition of gift giving for an engagement originated when family members took the opportunity to introduce a valued piece of jewelry or some other keepsake to the engaged couple. The item need not have been expensive, but the sentimental value was high, and along with it was conveyed an implicit or outright understanding that the forbears who wore or possessed the treasure should be commemorated. Other traditional engagement gifts were simply items for the bride's trousseau, such as the things she would need to set up a household, including tablecloths, silverware and crystal. The teapot is an engagement gift with traditional roots in Asia and Europe, where ceremonies brought people together to celebrate an engagement.
Pearls
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While pearls in Western cultures are more associated with the wedding day, at which time the groom gives his bride a present of pearls, in Asia, the tradition of extending pearls as a gift is tied to the engagement. Presented in an indirect fashion, in which the prospective son-in-law gives a pearl ring to the father of his intended, after which the father gives his daughter the ring, pearls would be considered poor form to give without the paternal intermediary. In this manner, the betrothal could be formalized.
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Modern Engagement Gifts
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In the contemporary arena, engagement gifts need not resemble anything like the engagement gifts of yore, nor do they have to come from relatives. They can be given at any time, following no particular protocol except that the gift tendered keeps in mind the couple's lifestyle and preferences. An engagement gift could help alleviate some of the stress of planning a wedding, by lending a hand in the form of wedding advice books or financial help for the ceremony. But almost anything goes, as long as the gift is given and opened discreetly, especially at a party where other guests may not have brought gifts.
To Gift or Not to Gift
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Many couples do not want engagement gifts, and may say so on the engagement party invitation or make an announcement at the party. Alternately, they might suggest that a gift be made elsewhere, such as a donation to a charity. The couple themselves may choose to give a gift to the hosts of the party. Overall, the guiding principle behind an engagement gift is that it is freely and sincerely given, no matter what it happens to be.
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References
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