Etiquette for a Friend Whose Mother Died
No matter how elderly or sick his mother was, your friend is likely to be devastated when she dies. Everyone grieves in a different way, so don't assume that you know how to make your friend feel better. Give him support and let him know you're there for him so that he knows he's not alone as he tries to get through a difficult time in his life.
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Offering Condolences
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As soon as you hear the news, call your friend or visit her in person to tell her you're sorry. Do not say anything to try to make her feel better, since saying "I know how you feel" or "She's in a better place" may make her feel like you're dismissing her pain. Follow your friend's cues about what to do next. Offer to sit with her quietly or go for a walk, or offer to leave her alone if that's what she wants.
Sending Cards
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Although you may have expressed your condolences in person, it's appropriate to send a sympathy card to your friend as well. There is no proper time frame in which you must send a note, but sending it as soon as possible is polite. Send a card through the mail rather than sending an email. Write a note at the bottom of the card telling your friend it's not necessary to send you a note back, since etiquette dictates that a person should write a thank-you note for every condolence he receives. He'll appreciate you relieving him of this duty.
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The Funeral
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You have no specific requirements relating to the mother's funeral, but if you live locally, you may want to offer to assist your friend with the funeral arrangements. Arrive at the funeral early and sit up front next to the aisle so that your friend can see you. Afterward, help by giving guests directions to the cemetery or to the location of the reception. Bring your friend drinks and food at the reception, since she may be too busy accepting condolences to get food herself.
After the Funeral
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In the weeks after his mother's funeral, your friend may still need help. Offer to help him write thank-you notes to all the people who sent him cards, food or flowers. Bring him meals or offer to run errands that he doesn't feel up to doing. It's also polite to offer to help put his mother's affairs in order, since your friend may be obligated to clean out his mother's home. Tell your friend sincerely that you are happy to help, but do not insist on helping, since he may want some privacy during this task.
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References
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