Typical Relationship Boundaries & When to Set Them
Setting boundaries in relationships allows a person to define acceptable behaviors ---both physical and emotional --- as well as unacceptable behaviors. A boundary is something that you will not tolerate within the relationship because of your own beliefs or attitudes. Once a boundary is crossed, a consequence is set in place. Healthy boundaries promote mutual respect, as opposed to unhealthy boundaries, which cause stress in relationships.
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When to Set Boundaries
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Boundaries should always be discussed as early as possible. Once you learn to set boundaries and respect them, a mutual respect will emerge. Those who respect their own boundaries as well as the boundaries of others will find that they no longer set themselves up for failure in relationships. You needn't demand that others stick to your boundary; you simply define what is important to you and, if the line is crossed, the other person must accept the consequences. For example, if you meet a new friend and discuss the importance of honesty within a friendship, yet the person is untruthful, the line was crossed. It is then up to you to decide which consequence will be put in action (i.e., ending the friendship or limiting contact).
Types of Boundaries
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Relationship boundaries may be physical or psychological. A physical boundary determines who may physically touch you as well as how someone may touch or approach you. Psychological boundaries, on the other hand, determine what other behaviors are morally acceptable and unacceptable. Both types of boundaries determine how we interact with one another. If there were no boundaries, others would treat you and touch you however they please.
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Learning to Set Boundaries
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For many, setting boundaries is almost second nature. Others, such as those who have grown up within a dysfunctional family, may have difficulties in understanding and setting clear boundaries. To have healthy relationships, boundaries are a must, and establishing boundaries should become a personal goal. Learn what matters to you and others. Based on your own rights, needs, morals, and values, set boundaries and stick to them. Boundaries should be set in place and should focus on the good in both you and your partner as well as friends.
Healthy Boundaries
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Balance is the key issue when it comes to establishing and setting boundaries. If your boundaries allow you to feel responsible for your own happiness while respecting the happiness of others, the boundaries are acceptable and healthy. Communication regarding boundaries should be honest and open. In a relationship, partners should be able to always say what they feel, when they feel it. If one person is feeling repressed or as if the boundaries in place benefit the other person only, then the boundaries may be deemed toxic and unhealthy.
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