How Does Divorce Influence Development?
How divorce affects a child depends on the age of the child during the divorce, how the parents handle the divorce, the level of stability that the child feels in the household and various other factors. Parents can take steps to ensure that the divorce does not have a negative impact on the child's development.
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Young Children
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The results of divorce do not affect children under 2 or 3 as much, since they cannot understand conflict. However, they can understand changes in the parent's behavior, such as the parent's energy level and mood. Children between the ages of 3 and 5 usually think they are the cause of the divorce. These children are also afraid of their parents abandoning them. They might engage in activities like bed-wetting, disobedience and wanting a security blanket. They also experience depression and anger. School-aged children feel pain over the divorce but do not know how to manage those feelings.
Adolescents
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Children between 10 and 12 have the hardest time with divorce since they are old enough to understand the divorce but not old enough to control what happens. Divorce affects teens in unique ways. Teens sometimes feel they need to take over the family. Some fear they won't be able to get married or stay married after seeing the struggles their parents go through. Some feel a lack of support as they begin to have sexual feelings. Some children become more mature and sensitive after their parents go through a divorce. Children adjust better to the divorce when the family activities are consistent and stable.
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Gender Differences
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Boys raised by their fathers tend to be less aggressive than boys raised by their mothers. Girls raised by their mothers are more responsible and mature than girls raised by their fathers. Boys are often affected by the divorce more than girls are, since society allows girls to show their emotions more. Children in general tend to fare better during a divorce when they have someone to talk to, either a therapist, friend, neighbor, extended family member or teacher.
Custody Battles
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Custody battles, fighting and criticism of the other parent tend to cause children to engage in maladaptive behaviors. Parents asking their children to take sides cause emotional damage. Parents should tell children that they love them and that the divorce is not their fault. Parents should not tell children things they are not old enough to understand.
Informing the Child
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Parents should tell children what is going to happen to them so they do not feel insecure. Parents should tell them where they are going, what school they will attend, when they will see each parent and whether they will live with their brothers and sisters. Older children might want to know what will happen to them when one of the parents dies, specifics of the court case, finances and child support, though parents should not give this information when not requested.
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References
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