How to Celebrate the Holidays in an Interfaith Marriage

The holiday season is a wonderful time for most families. But for the 40,000 couples who enter into interfaith marriages each year, along with the joy often comes lots of controversy.

Difficulty: Moderately challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Family Photographs
• Christmas Stockings
• Christmas Tree Ornaments
• Christmas Trees
• Candles
• Dreidels
• Menorahs
• Telephone Calling Cards
• Candles

1. Look for common elements in your different beliefs, and incorporate these similarities into your holiday celebrations.

2. Take the time to learn about your partner's religion and to participate in those ceremonies or rituals that hold meaning for him or her.

3. Ask lots of questions so you can understand why these traditions are important to your mate.

4. Help your children understand both of your holidays, no matter which religion they follow.

5. Create your own special traditions as a couple. They could be a blending of things you have both done in the past, or they could be new things you explore together for the first time.

6. Be sensitive to the fact that celebrating the holidays at your parents' house could be awkward for your partner. Explain what to expect before you go, and help to put him or her at ease as much as possible.

7. Be willing to reciprocate. If your spouse is willing to attend a religious service with you, offer to attend one with him or her. Talk about your impressions afterward.

8. Remember to treat your different backgrounds as assets, not obstacles. You both bring special traditions to the marriage, and these can make your celebrations together even richer.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember that it is up to you as a couple to determine how you will celebrate the holidays. Don't let your parents make your decisions for you. Only you know what feels right for the two of you.
• Enjoy trying something new. Perhaps as a child, you always wanted to have a Christmas tree or light a menorah. Now is your chance to do it all.
• Talk about your differences; don't sweep them under the rug. The holidays can be a catalyst to raise issues that you have been thinking about and find out how you both feel about them.

on 9/15/2006 Although it may not have the same meaning to you because your faith is different, remember the love you have for the person in your life supersedes the desire to be "right" or "wrong" about his or her beliefs. Respect is a part of love, so share in the excitement of this time with them by helping them to stay pure in thoughts. And if you feel compelled out of love and a desire to draw nearer to the one you love, share in their time of fasting, being careful then to observe the times and ways of the Ramadan fast. Their faith deserves as much respect as you wish them to have for yours. They may wish to do the same for you come Christmastime. And what joy there is in celebrating your love through accepting and sharing that part of them that no-one else can - their faith.

on 12/9/2005 Being in an interfaith marriage, one challenge always seems to be, what card do we send at the holidays? We really like the very cool holiday cards that respectfully recognize the traditions of both holidays.

on 11/22/2005 Don't push your spouse to participate in family holiday celebrations. Accept that you will not always do things together, even traditions. Remember, you have a history with a certain tradition that your spouse doesn't, so your spouse's celebrating that tradition doesn't have the same meaning, if any at all.