How to Decide Which Family to Spend the Holidays With

By eHow Relationships & Family Editor

Rate: (1 Ratings)

One of the difficult decisions couples often face is selecting which family they will spend the holidays with.

Flag Article

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Step1

Approach this controversial issue with an open mind, and be prepared to compromise.

Step2

Set aside some time to talk about it calmly and look at all the possibilities.

Step3

Think about how each of your families will feel if you don't celebrate the holidays with them this year. Determine if one family might feel more strongly than the other about the possibility of your absence.

Step4

Consider if anyone will be alone as a result of your not going to their home this year. That may help to influence your decision.

Step5

Come up with some creative ways to divvy up your time. For instance, you might spend Thanksgiving with one family, and Christmas or Hanukkah with the other this year, and then do the opposite next time.

Step6

Say that you need time to talk this over with your partner if one of your parents calls and puts you on the spot for a decision. Remember, this is a joint decision.

Step7

Make your decision early enough so that your families have time to make other plans if you aren't coming. This helps keep hurt feelings to a minimum.

Step8

Be careful not to blame your partner for disappointing your parents if you end up not going there. You should approach this situation as a couple and remain united in front of your families.

Step9

Find the positives in the situation rather than dwelling on the negatives. For instance, perhaps you won't spend Christmas Day with your parents but will spend the whole week between Christmas and New Year's with them instead.

Tips & Warnings

If either of you come from families with divorced parents, remember to consider all of the parents as you decide how to divide up your time over the holidays.
Bring up this difficult subject well in advance so you can have some time to think about it and weigh all of your options.
Consider holding the holiday celebration at your home this year and inviting both families to join you there.

Comments

Anonymous said

Flag This Comment

on 12/16/2005 In a conversation with a relative, whose two daughters are now married (one with a new baby), she said to me that she and her husband told their girls that it is up to them to plan what they want to do for the holidays. Then, they adjust their schedule accordingly, and get together with them when it is convenient - whether it's on the actual holiday or not - it doesn't really matter. Too many adult kids feel like they have to please their parents - and it's hard in many situations to please both sets of parents every holiday. And when you have several sets of In-laws (such as in the case of divorce), it can be even harder for the adult kids to choose without hurting feelings. I think it is very wise for all In-laws to take a back seat to the new couple or family in their new life together, and give the adult kids their blessing to make their own decisions about how they want to spend the holidays - then be OK with the decision they make! No more complaining or guilt tips - please. Give your adult kids the greatest gift of all, the gift of understanding and flexibility; so everyone can relax and enjoy the holidays!

View All