How to Teach Aggressive Children Self-Control

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By eHow Contributing Writer

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Teach Aggressive Children Self-Control

Aggressiveness is a natural response for young children learning how to control their bodies and environments. However, it is the parent or caregiver's responsibility to help children control aggression and learn other techniques to express their emotions.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Step 1

Model appropriate behavior. Children imitate what they see and experience. Aggressive discipline will result in aggressive behavior in children toward other children and even the parent.
Step 2

Inspect your house for possible aggression traps. Is there enough room for your children to play together and independently? Are there enough materials for each child to interact with? Does each child receive an equal amount of positive attention from the parent or caregiver?
Step 3

Teach your child control early. As soon as your child throws the first temper tantrum, begin to talk about different situations and the emotions they evoke. Say things like, "It's OK to be angry when your tower falls, but throwing blocks is not nice. Try again. Mommy doesn't like biting. Biting hurts. Hitting is not nice. Please don't use your hands that way." Use a firm voice but avoid yelling. Yelling is a form of aggression.
Step 4

Intervene immediately. When your child becomes aggressive toward others or toward his or her own body, have a time out period to calm down before discussing the behavior and alternative behaviors.
Step 5

Focus your attention on the hurt child. Even negative attention will reinforce aggressive behavior. Put the aggressor in time out, walk away, and comfort the hurt child. When the aggressor leaves time out with your permission, have him or her do something nice for the hurt child, such as giving a favorite blanket or toy.
Step 6

Teach your children to be assertive and ask for what they want instead of being aggressive and demanding. When your child screams and throws an empty juice cup across the room, say, "Do you want more juice? All you have to do is say, 'Mommy, can I have more juice?' and I will get it."
Step 7

Role-play with older children. Make a list of scenarios and ways to ask for things such as snacks, money or free time. Talk openly with your child about feelings and emotions. Discuss different possible responses or refer to the list every time your child uses aggression.
Step 8

Be consistent. Let your child know that aggression is never tolerated.

Comments

tracysmith159 said

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on 6/10/2009 Good article. I have this problem between my 8 year old and 11 year old boys. They hit each other and lie about why and who did it. Sure hope they grow out of this stage. But I'll keep on them with these steps.

labellefleur100 said

on 1/26/2009 Modeling the behavior is the most important part. If you scream, they will learn it is OK to yell at people too! Great suggestions!! RCMED

AmericanMexican said

on 12/27/2008 I couldn't find this and was dying to read it to my husband. Thanks again there are a few articles that have a few ideas but this one is by far the very very very best. Thank you.